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Old 09-09-2004, 09:54 PM   #1
Rulesdontapply
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Working Title , need the girls help...........

Hey! well im not really done w/ this one but i wondered from all the girls if its maybe to much to give to a gf? would it freak you out or somethin? we've been dating for 3 months and i dont know if its over the top or not....... well leave your sugjestion if you like. god bless,

WORKING TITLE

Do you remember when we first met?
Remember how nervous we could get?
How I never knew if I should hold you
I would always wait to see what you’d do
And all the little things I would notice
Like the braids in your hair
Your four different laughs and what made you nervous
How I tried so hard not to stare
But it never really did much good
because I still do
I'd even hold your hand when i could
And when your not around I still miss you
But more than I did before
Because I noticed you have five laughs
not four
And even though we don’t get nervous anymore
I still like holding you
As long as I can be close to you
And the longer we’ve known one another
The easier we can talk to each other
Even at two at night
If I can talk with you its all right
And I think you know I like your kiss
Even if one is all I get
So I guess what I’m saying is this
Your special
And down to every detail
I wouldn’t change us at all

Last edited by Rulesdontapply : 09-09-2004 at 09:56 PM.
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Old 09-10-2004, 12:30 PM   #2
creedsister
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No i really dont think its OVER THE TOP, its says alot, Im really in to the opening lines there , HAHA God Bless You Sweetie , And The Working Title, Well Its A GREAT Working Title, From a certain point and with and on it, ROCK ON!!!!!
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Old 09-10-2004, 01:33 PM   #3
HR2004
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thats was great i think she would like it alot i know i would. on the title part i think Do you remember. would be nice
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Old 09-10-2004, 07:01 PM   #4
Ann Allusion
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nice...a honest, heartfelt piece...
as for a title, how about simply..."Still"?
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Old 09-10-2004, 09:08 PM   #5
creedsister
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Quote: (Originally Posted by Ann Allusion) nice...a honest, heartfelt piece...
as for a title, how about simply..."Still"?
Like that title
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Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything
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Old 09-11-2004, 12:32 AM   #6
Rulesdontapply
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thanks, i like both of those titles. and im still kinda workin some stuff out but ill put the finished one on here. thanks again for your thoughts.
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Old 09-14-2004, 12:54 AM   #7
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From a guy that has written some himself and has even had one taken by another guy to give to a girl, I say its really good. She will love it, Im sure.
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Old 09-14-2004, 10:30 AM   #8
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HaHaHaHaHaHa ,
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Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything
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