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Old 05-25-2006, 06:04 AM   #86
metalchris25
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Re: share a joke thread

# Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

# If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

# Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

# Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

# A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

# Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

# They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

# Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.

# "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.

# Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.

# After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

# Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

# When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

# There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

# Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.

# Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

# The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.

# Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

# Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

# Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

# The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.

# Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

# Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

# Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

# For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

# The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.

# Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

# Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.

# TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.

# After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.

# Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.

# "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.

# Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

# Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

# When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.

# Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.

# In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
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