And even if He takes His time doing it, Julie, it is worth the wait, and even more special and precious.
I have something important to share, but U will need to do some reading. I promise that it is worth reading though, so please go ahead.
I must say that I have had such an issue with God for a long time now. Over the last few years since I started studying music again, I have had a chronic fatigue problem for a couple of months, chronic back pain, have had an injury in my finger that made me have to stop playing piano, years ago I had the same thing for guitar, but with a different finger, now I cant sing, havent been able to sing for around 9 months due to something wrong. I have even sung on TV so its pretty full on devistating that I am currently unable to sing. Because of this injury to my voice, it has pushed me over the edge and I am now on my most hated substance, anti-depressants, so I was feeling so abandoned by God, but I know that I know He exists, so I keep going!
Finally today, I came home and was able to pour out my heart as to what has been going on inside me for years. I was in hysterical tears as I voiced my confusion with the whole music thing, and that I just wanted God to tell me if He still wanted me to pursue a musical career, cos if He did tell me He wanted me to, I would keep going, regardless of injuries and chronic fatigue, backpain, depression, whatever! I just wanted to quit so bad. Had no idea what to do in life, where to go, what I was gonna be doing. I felt so confused and useless to God.
Amazingly, God speaks to me through clouds in a big way. The first time I ever felt intense love for God, I was looking at clouds, and I fell in Love with Jesus right then. Today, in the middle of winter, a huge cloud formation occured, almost turning into a full on storm! I was amazed as I watched it build and pass over me.
Then I got online and looked at my email. This is after I had my huge cry and saw the clouds. I recieved an email from someone in my church. I will include a few lines from the email so that you yourself, can take note of the AWESOMENESS AND MAJESTY OF GOD!
8/8/04
[Had a picture means sorta like when U get an image in your imagination, but his imagination didnt birth this picture, it was actually birthed by God, anyway, to the next email]
8/10/04
So I am pretty blown away that God would do this for me. I hope that sharing this will encourage some of you that God still cares and that also He has never left you, even if U feel that U R scum and dont deserve Him to speak to you, He desires to.
Bless U 4 reading all this.
D