Sex Before Marriage

[Lady Valkyrie]

How many here desire to wait until they are married before they have sex?

[Altair]

Well, in the first place, I don't believe in marriage. I believe that people should rise above that and be able to love more than one person to the extent that we want to spend our lives with them and make them happy in the sexual way. Marriage, IMHO, is a manmade institution that merely divides us as the political borders of this beautiful Earth which, in reality, has no lines drawn on it, do.

[TeriB19]

When 2 people love each other and are in a committed relationship, I don't see a problem with it. If it's just sex for the sake of having sex, I see a problem with it.

[Altair]

You do? Well, what about kissing for the sake of kissing? What about smiling for the sake of smiling? What about looking for the sake of looking? Does sex have to have any more value assigned to it beyond some satisfaction, a good time, a fun romp, a shared experience, and nothing more?
It seems to me that a mutual tango, with no strings attatched, is nothing more than harmless sharing.

I'm willing to be persuaded in different ways.

[TeriB19]

Men and women always see this from different points of view. To me (a woman) having sex was always something I did when I had deep feelings for the man. To some men, it's sex, no emotion, just sex. Not all women see this the way I see it, and I don't pretend to know what all women want, but IMO I always needed the committment before doing the act.

[Lady Valkyrie]

Personally, I want to love one man... that's it... for the rest of my life. I don't want to jump from man, to man, to man, "loving everyone". I want to share my life with one man... to experience this life with him, and him only. I want to have a family, and raise our children together. I want to grow old with one man. I just don't want to be a flovor of the month of some guys.

Unfortunately I wasn't given the chance to keep my virginity and give it to whom I pleased. I am a survivor of incest and rape. The first time I ever had sex willingly was at the age of 14, and it's only because I equated love with sex... which in reality love is not equal with sex in my opinion.

I got pregnant and married at the age of 16. I have three kids by this man. He left me and I remarried to just as equally a horrible man and I ended up having to leave that relationship. I am now in a new relationship at the age of 28... no sex in this one until we are married. We are both Christians and have the exact same beliefs. He is a bit older than me... he's 44. And to find a man like him is indeed a miracle.

[Siana]

Originally posted by TeriB19
When 2 people love each other and are in a committed relationship, I don't see a problem with it. If it's just sex for the sake of having sex, I see a problem with it.

same here

[allison]

Lady - I am so sorry for what you have been through. You must be an incredibly strong person. I wish you the best for a life of happiness and real love from here on out.

[TeriB19]

Originally posted by Lady Valkyrie
I am now in a new relationship at the age of 28... no sex in this one until we are married. We are both Christians and have the exact same beliefs. He is a bit older than me... he's 44.  And to find a man like him is indeed a miracle. I understand and respect your beliefs, but if you both are committed and know that you will be together and are not just using one another, IMO, there would be nothing wrong with having sex. But I am not you.

[Lady Valkyrie]

Thank you Allison for your kind words. However, if I was a strong person I would have been out of those abusive relationships a long time ago. I am a survivor... yes I am... I adapt easily... I'm not always strong. It is God that has gotten me through it all.

And Teri I have also thought about the same thing not to long ago. But I feel that it's worth waiting for. *shrugs* All other relationships that I have been in have been based mainly on sex. I choose to wait this time. And thank you for your respect. :)

[TeriB19]

You're very welcome.;)

[BigBassDrummer]

If you are SURE the person is the one, then why not wait until wedlock? To many people get emotionally attached and screwed over by having sex before marriage.... I'm a guy and I'm committed to staying a virgin until I have a ring on my finger, and I'm darn proud of it! I am a Christian, but I am not staying away from it ONLY because of my faith, but because I feel that if the person is worth marrying, she's worth waiting for. Its not fair to her to take her viginity and any chances of getting it back, and then still have the possibility of a breakup. If you take her of that, you are also stealing it from her future spouse, who might want it... having sex before marriage is a selfish act frankly... if you can't wait until you're married, then you're not worth the other person's time. It doesn't matter if both people agree or not, because people change, and the people they meet in the future might not agree. Waiting is also a good test to make sure your relationship is not based merely on sex! You may not think it is initially, but as many of you know, your outlook changes once you've broken up and stop having a bias attitude.

[Dogstar]

I applaud and respect your stand. That is great for you.
For me, though, I think if I were going to marry someone, I would want to know whether I would be compatible with him sexually. I know sex doesn't constitute the whole relationship, but it is an important component and one that should be considered, IMHO. It's a deeply personal thing, though, as well.
For me, I would have to be committed to the person to have sex, but not necessarily married. I think if two people really love each other and want to spend their lives together, they should be able to have sex even if they are not married.

[TeriB19]

Me too! Well said (as usual).:)

[Draka29]

It is a choice to be made by the people in the relationship. However, I do not believe that sex should be used as a tool to manipulate guys into giving you what you want...

[hayley]

i believe that if you love somebody, and you BOTH want sex, even if you are NOT married, then go ahead. Sex is a beautiful thing, to be shared by two people who are deeply in love.
i am planning to have sex with somebody i really love, and when ever it happens, if we are married or not married, then well i will have no regrets what so ever.

[TeriB19]

You are wise beyond your years, Haley. (but stay away from boys until you are 30!!;) )

[Dogstar]

Good advice, TeriB.

[TeriB19]

My girls are going into the convent school as soon as I see the first sign of a breast.

[Dogstar]

OMG...I am cracking up...Too funny!

[luvscott4ever]

Originally posted by TeriB19
My girls are going into the convent school as soon as I see the first sign of a breast.

ROFLMAO!!!! :roll:

[TeriB19]

Okay, nobody takes me seriously about that. My husband agrees, but everyone else just shakes their head. I don't want anyone within 50 feet with of them until they retire at 65.

[Dogstar]

I don't blame ya. I'd be right there with ya if I had kids.

[TeriB19]

You can have mine if you really want to.:D

[Dogstar]

ROFL!

[luvscott4ever]

Just You wait til they're teenagers!!! Luckily mine doesn't even like to be touched!!! A few months back my daughters friend set her up on a blind date, and when she came home I asked her how it went, she was like...Why do guys do what they do?? I guess all he did was put his arm around her and she was like, I don't even know him, what makes him think I want his arm around me!!! Geez, I'd kill to have some guy want to put his arm around me (Please, Scott!!! lol) But that give me less to worry about, about her...Thank God!!!

[Dogstar]

lol, me, too. In a serious drought:D

[TeriB19]

Originally posted by luvscott4ever
Just You wait til they're teenagers!!!  Luckily mine doesn't even like to be touched!!!  A few months back my daughters friend set her up on a blind date, and when she came home I asked her how it went, she was like...Why do guys do what they do??  I guess all he did was put his arm around her and she was like, I don't even know him, what makes him think I want his arm around me!!!  Geez, I'd kill to have some guy want to put his arm around me  (Please, Scott!!!  lol) But that give me less to worry about, about her...Thank God!!! You and I will be in contact for a VERY long time, my dear. I will be seeking whatever input I can get until my kids are old enough to go to the convent school. Until then, WEEKLY, bud. You and me.:)

[Siana]

Originally posted by TeriB19
My girls are going into the convent school as soon as I see the first sign of a breast.

lol

[LadySilk]

I have children and I tell them that sex is about love and it is an expression of that love and something that should wait until they are mature enough to be able to handle the emotional turmoil that love brings into your life. To me marriage is an institution whose only real value is once you've decided to have children and a family because children deserve a stable home, financial security, and two parents who produced them out of love and respect and love them. Equating sex with marriage just rushes people into marriage-which should wait until you are absolutely sure this is the person you can live with forever before you have kids.

Experience and hindsight I'm afraid for me.

[TeriB19]

I know of many people who don't believe in marriage. For them, a lifetime commitment to each other does not have to include a "piece of paper making it legal". They'd be waiting an awfully long time to actually have sex.

[souldancer]

Originally posted by TeriB19
My girls are going into the convent school as soon as I see the first sign of a breast. Now, what if you had two boys? What would that story be? Would dear dad be advising them about how to get a chic in the sack? (j/k)

[Dogstar]

LOL, Studmuffin 101: How to Land a Chick.

[TeriB19]

Originally posted by souldancer
Now, what if you had two boys? What would that story be? Would dear dad be advising them about how to get a chic in the sack?  (j/k) No, if I had boys they'd be locked in the basement chained to the hot water heater until they turn 18, then they'd be on their own. Boys are yucky.:P

[Mulletman]

ok i have to comment on this, i am not going to do the stereotypical guy thing and say <i>"either put out or get out!"</i> i dunno, i would say wait till marriage but then i didnt so that would be wrong of me to say. but then again i didnt just sleep with the first girl i could. i guess my decision would be hen the time is right. honestly i dunno, i feel like i am doing nothing but contradicting myself here..... what i dont get are the 15 -16 year olds that have sex. i have been with the same girl for almost 2 years. we waited for over a year before we decided on anything. i thought i knew all there was to sex. i would try to talk to my dad and i would even go to those online clinics and ask some counsler question. but when the time came, i knew nothing. i was lost and i got myself into prolly the biggest form of commitment i could. like i said we have been together for almost two years (this winter) and i love her. i would do anything to be with her and more importantly to make her happy. the day after it happened the only thing that was going through my head was did we make a mistake, are we really ready for this. after talking with her i made sure that she knew i would be here if anything happened to her. even to this day, i know that no matter how carefull we are that there is still a chance that everything will go wrong. my main fear about this is that i will ruin her life. we are stil young and we still have a whole life ahead of us. i know what my responsibility is i know that if there is an accident it willl be my job to take care of her and the child, even if it means that i will have to drop out of college and get two jobs. i dont believe in abortion and i think that adoption should be a last resort. i dunno why ive said this, i figured i would add my two cents but i ended up telling a long story...... does any of this make sense to anyone..?

i guess to answer the question, i would have to say, i dont know.

[TeriB19]

It makes sense, Mullet. You are a good hearted guy.

[Lady Valkyrie]

I don't think you are contradicting yourself at all dear. You make perfect sence to me. You realize that having sex with someone should be with someone you truely love... not to be done just for the sake of doing it. You also realize that with sex there is a deep, very deep, almost spiritual connection that is made... and one must be ready in their heart and mind to step up to having sex. With sex also comes possible consequences like pregnancy and STD's... and there is always a possibility for each in having sex. I applaud you for standing up and staing your beliefs and opinions.

[Mulletman]

well im glad somebody got it, i felt like i wasnt making any sense

[Steve]

Originally posted by souldancer
Now, what if you had two boys? What would that story be? Would dear dad be advising them about how to get a chic in the sack? &nbsp;(j/k)

How To Get A Chic In The Sack For Dummies
The next big seller....

[Steve]

Originally posted by Mulletman
i know what my responsibility is i know that if there is an accident it willl be my job to take care of her and the child, even if it means that i will have to drop out of college and get two jobs. i dont believe in abortion and i think that adoption should be a last resort.

If more people felt like this, we'd live in a better world.

[Dogstar]

Mulletman, you are a man among men. I applaud your honesty, and yes, you make complete sense.

[souldancer]

Originally posted by Steve
How To Get A Chic In The Sack For Dummies
The next big seller....
Wanted to clarify here, so there is NO misunderstanding...my post about this was not to condone this...but to say, why does it 'generally' appear OK and Cool for guys to have sex with girls, but BAD for girls to have sex with guys?
(OK - now where is that smilie with the foot in the mouth?)

[allison]

Originally posted by souldancer
why does it 'generally' appear OK and Cool for guys to have sex with girls, but BAD for girls to have sex with guys?[/i]

Yeah, a guy's a stud but a girl's a slut.

[Dogstar]

I know. I stinks. It's an age-old double standard and as men are still running our country, God knows when that one will die.

[souldancer]

I will be there campaigning for you! :)

[LadySilk]

Originally posted by souldancer
Wanted to clarify here, so there is NO misunderstanding...my post about this was not to condone this...but to say, why does it 'generally' appear OK and Cool for guys to have sex with girls, but BAD for girls to have sex with guys? &nbsp;
(OK - now where is that smilie with the foot in the mouth?)

That double standard dates way back and is simply about procreation. People had to be concerned about the paternity of a child in order to see to it that he or she was provided for. Also instict was for a man to "spread his seed" so to ensure the continuation of his genes simply by quantity of offspring because of the higher chance of dying young. These needs were incorporated into laws and religions and have pervaded into even current times.

T

[Mulletman]

i guess the reason why it seems normal for guys to sleep around is because for the most part guys dont take sex as serious as girls do, i know that i didnt. when i was younger i would joke around and i would never take anything serious. some people never grow out of that state, i know i have some friends that are like that even at the age. i was the same way till it was my time.

[Siana]

Originally posted by TeriB19
It makes sense, Mullet. You are a good hearted guy.

yes,he is ;)

[Mulletman]

hehe thank you

[souldancer]

I know you are a sensitive, caring man, Mullet, but just in regards to the 'other guys' that do this double standard thing....How many pregnant guys have you known?! Human males have a small investment compared to the female! And, this is 2002 - not the agrarian or pre-industrial days when there were social roles. Both parties can now vote, earn a living and there is birth control. Times have changed.

Reproduction is what all life forms do to carry on the species, instinctual for most. However, with higher primates, you start to see that 'learning and culture' is important for them to know how to socially behave for courtships,and even to learn how to have intercourse. POINT being...I would like to think that human beings are beyond simple hormones and instincts and both sexes share in decision making - and BOTH SHOULD share responsibility and be concerned about contraception and rearing of the young!!!

[Mulletman]

nicely worded

for some reason when i read i felt like i was back in school...must be the big words.

[souldancer]

Originally posted by Mulletman
i felt like i was back in school...must be the big words. Sorry, was it 'intercourse' or 'contraception' ?? ;) j/k - yeah, I do occasionally go into the classroom, but I would rather be out there with Jane Goodall studying the reproductive behavior of chimps!!

[Siana]

Originally posted by Mulletman
hehe thank you

i just told you the truth :)

[alive_in_Jesus]

I think that it is important to wait until marriage. I believe that sex is a gift from God to a married couple and it is a celebration of love.