The "jokes" thread

[Siana]

it's time to laught a bit..here it goes...

1.Q:What do you call 2 blondesin the front seat of a car?
A: Dual air bags!

2.Q:What should you do if a blonde throws a hand-granade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back!

3.Little boys at school wonder what's a penis..At home Billy asks dad:
Dad (unzips fly):This is a penis..as a matter of fact it's a perfect penis
Next day at school Billy(unzips):This is a penis..and if it were 3 inches shorter,it'd be perfect!

4.Q:What's the definition of a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever!

5.2 brunettes and a blonde are sitting at the bar,checking out the guys.
Brunette:See that guy over there with one eye?
Blonde: (covering her left eye with her hand):Where?

:P :P

PS:No offence to all the blond ladies here!

[GoodGodGirl23]

NO Offence taken Siana, I'm a strawberryblonde..HA!:rolleyes:

Anyhoo, I have a blond joke...

"How can you tell that a blonde has been useing her vibrater?"

Her two front teeth are chipped.....:P

[GoodGodGirl23]

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747??:rolleyes:

How does a blonde turn on a light after sex? She opens up the car door..:P

How does a blonde part her hair? By doing the splits..:eek:

[Xterminator27]

Why did the blonde jump out of the airplane?
She thought her pads had wings.

One day a blonde was going to disney land, when she got there, there was a sign that said disney land left, so she went home.

[Siana]

Why was a blonde pleased with herself when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 8 months?
Because the box said 3 to 6 years

[hayley]

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house


A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"



A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.

"Are their lights on?"

The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."


Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A blonde tried to shoot herself!


:D

[Siana]

lol

[Siana]

Pollack goes into whorehouse
"I wanna get fucked"
"Slip $50 under the door"
He waits...and waits...,then yells:
"Hey!I said I wanna get fucked!"
Voice behind the door:"Again?"

[GoodGodGirl23]

Originally posted by Siana
<b>Pollack goes into whorehouse
"I wanna get fucked"
"Slip $50 under the door"
He waits...and waits...,then yells:
"Hey!I said I wanna get fucked!"
Voice behind the door:"Again?" </b>

Wow! This thread turning into pure porno...:eek: :P :eek:

[Siana]

sorry,i didn't have that intention

[Siana]

If a blonde and a brunette both jumped off a building at the same time,who would land first?
The Brunette.The blonde would have to stop and ask 4 directions!

[marlsy]

well here are some brunette jokes!!! ;)




What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Siana]

What are the worst 3 words you can hear when you're making love??
Honey,I'm home!

What's the first thing a blonde hears in the morning?
See ya!

:angel: :angel: :P :lol:

[GoodGodGirl23]

Originally posted by marlsy
well here are some brunette jokes!!! ;) &nbsp;




What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes. &nbsp;

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it. &nbsp;

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them. &nbsp;

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible. &nbsp;

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it. &nbsp;

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable. &nbsp;

:lol: :lol: :lol: &nbsp;


:D Those made up for da blonde ones Marlsy!! Too funny!!! Hehehehe!!!:P :lol: :lol: :lol: :jam:

[marlsy]

Originally posted by GoodGodGirl23
:D Those made up for da blonde ones Marlsy!! Too funny!!! Hehehehe!!!:P :lol: :lol: :lol: :jam:

;)

[Siana]

:P i'd like to read some more jokes about brunettes :angel:

[GoodGodGirl23]

:P Why did God create Brunettes? So Ugly men wouldn't be left out! lol!:)

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? Because it matches their mustache!

;)

What do brunettes miss about a great party? The invitation! lol!:lol: :jam:

[marlsy]

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.

Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

;)

[GoodGodGirl23]

Originally posted by Siana
:P i'd like to read some more jokes about brunettes :angel:


Your Wish is my Command! My Dear!!:P :lol: :lol: :jam:

[JulieCitySlicker]

LMAO!:lol Those are some good ones:P

[Siana]

Originally posted by GoodGodGirl23
Your Wish is my Command! My Dear!!:P :lol: :lol: :jam:

:angel: :angel: i feel extremely glad to hear that

[marlsy]

How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night ?
Startled

How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color ?
By studying what oil spills did to seaweed.

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: "Has the blonde left yet?"

Is it tru blonds have more fun?
No, they have ALL the fun.

How do you get a redhead to argue with you? Say something.

How do you get a redhead's mood to change? Wait 10 seconds.

If you love a redhead, set her free ... if she follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she's yours.

What's safer: a redhead or a piranha? The piranha. They only attack in schools.

What do you call a redhead with attitude? Normal.

[JulieCitySlicker]

Those were good Marsly!

[Siana]

hahahaahhahaa

[marlsy]

:hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol

[creedfan47a]

I have some non-hair-colour-related jokes. ;)

---------------------

A guy walks into a pharmacy and goes up to the Pharmacist and asks for a vile of arsenic. The Pharmacist asks, "What do you need it for?" The guy replies, "It's to kill my wife". The Pharmacist exclaims, "I can't sell you arsenic to kill your wife." With that the guy reaches into his wallet and pulls out a picture of his wife. The Pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "I didn't realise you had a prescription."

--------------------

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."

----------------------

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy, I call mine Sex. Sex has been embarrassing to me. I went to city hall to renew his licence, I told the clerk I would like a licence for Sex; he said he would like one too. Then I said , "But this is my dog." He said he didn't care what she looks like. "You don't understand. I have had Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the hotel was for sex. I said, "You dont understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." He said "Me too."

One day I entered Sex into a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was standing there looking around. I told him I planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me i should have sold my own tickets. "But you dont understand," I said "I hoped to have Sex on TV". He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married". The Judge said "Me too." Then I told him, after I was separated, Sex left me. He said "Me too."

Last night Sex ran away again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I am looking for Sex". My case comes up on Friday.

[goddess_bb]

Oh my God--Creedfan..that was damn funny.
And thank you all for the brunette jokes it's about damn time!!
--I can't help god made me blonde, am sure tired of hearing how stupid I am..lol.

[DangerousDan85]

i like brunettes

[Siana]

:angel: what a relief;)

[creedfan47a]

Originally posted by DangerousDan85
i like brunettes

That's unexpected!! Considering Natalie is one. ;)

[Siana]

lol

[creedfan47a]

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee.

He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

[marlsy]

:lol: :lol: :lol: creedfan!!
How about a few France jokes!

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

Q. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
A. Don't know, it's never been tried.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. Their army.

Q. Why are French streets tree-lined?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

[TeriB19]

LMAO Marlsy!!! Thanks, I needed a good laugh!

[marlsy]

Originally posted by TeriB19
LMAO Marlsy!!! Thanks, I needed a good laugh!

Your welcome!!:D

[DangerousDan85]

here's a good redneck joke:

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

[DangerousDan85]

here's an old geezer joke:

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.

The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.

The old man glares at the young punk for him for the next ten miles, as the bus travels across the city.

Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, "What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I thought you might be my son."

[DangerousDan85]

here's a dumb blonde joke:

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

[Siana]

lol

[Xterminator27]

Originally posted by DangerousDan85
<b>here's an old geezer joke:

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.

The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.

The old man glares at the young punk for him for the next ten miles, as the bus travels across the city.

Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, "What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I thought you might be my son." </b>

Lmao, trhat was teh funneyest of em all

[Siana]

:P

[marlsy]

LOL Dan, I like the parrot one too!!
here is a funny one, I hope I don't offend anyone, Just remember it's a joke!

Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands

By
Gerhard Reinke
IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”

FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”

ITALY
“Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”

POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”

GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”

TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”

KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”

CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”

ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”

SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”

YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?”

INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”

ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”

CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money.”

SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?”

SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”

MEXICO
“What's that smell?”

SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”

RUSSIA
“Is it always this cold and economically devastated?”

UZBEKISTAN
“Can you spell Uzbekistan?”

GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."

AFGHANISTAN
“Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”

JAPAN
“What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?”

AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?”

AMERICA
“Was John Wayne gay?”

[creedfan47a]

Originally posted by marlsy
LOL Dan, I like the parrot one too!! &nbsp;
here is a funny one, &nbsp;I hope I don't offend anyone, Just remember it's a joke!

Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands &nbsp;

By
Gerhard Reinke &nbsp;

AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?”

:lol: This wasn't even insulting! Hee hee :P

[marlsy]

Originally posted by creedfan47a
:lol: &nbsp;This wasn't even insulting! &nbsp;Hee hee :P

Good, around here you never know!!!! I just wanted it out there that I didn't mean it to be insulting!!! I thought it was dang funny!!!!:D

[marlsy]

Originally posted by marlsy
Good, around here you never know!!!! &nbsp;I just wanted it out there that I didn't mean it to be insulting!!! &nbsp;I thought it was dang funny!!!!:D

by the way, I love Mel Gibson!!;)

[creedfan47a]

I'm not even sure which famous actors are Australian! I think we consider Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe to be Australian, but Rusell Crowe is really from NZ, and Nicole Kidman was actually born elsewhere, although she lived in Australia for a while. Not sure about Mel Gibson. ;)

[creedfan47a]

An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

French man: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

French: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to France."

[Siana]

Originally posted by marlsy
by the way, I love Mel Gibson!!;)

me 2!:angel:

[marlsy]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: creedfan, I liked that one!!!!!!!!!!

[creedfan47a]

I'm just getting these from www.funnymail.com (http://www.funnymail.com). Most of their jokes are pretty lame, but some are funny. :D

[marlsy]

Bumper Sticker Sayings


1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?

6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

10. You! Off my planet!

11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

17. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

19. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

20. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

22. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

23. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

24. Adults are just kids who owe money.

25. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

28. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

29. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

30. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

31. Earth is full. Go home.

32. Is it time for your medication or mine?

33. Does this condom make me look fat?

34. I plead contemporary insanity.

35. And which dwarf are you?

36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. Meandering to a different drummer.

39. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

40. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

[creedfan47a]

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

Our local chemist was robbed last week and a quantity of viagra was stolen. Police say that they are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

[Siana]

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
:angel: :P

[Siana]

A nun arrives at the local bar
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"

[GeeK_2004]

i gotta joke..

Ok..


What do you call a Virgin on a water bed ??

[GeeK_2004]

A Cherry Float !!

[marlsy]

:lol: :lol: good one kim!!!

What is grosser than gross?

A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick the pancake up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter are like flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, a dirty fingernail, and of course millions of squirming, pulsing bacteria. Also: the pancake now smells like bellybutton, so you puke. But your stomach is empty so you dry heave, and now the pancake is covered in your early morning bile. Anyway, you're so hungry so you eat the pancake.
Man, that is totally gross.

:lol: :lol:

[Leader of Men]

bump, just cuz I found it:P

[creedfan47a]

Well, come on, post a joke!

[Leader of Men]

I posted like 8.. but uhh... Gimme a minute

[Leader of Men]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

[jimmy2sacs]

post

[marlsy]

:lol: funny leader of men!!!!

[Siana]

:P

[Leader of Men]

:D

[Unforgiven Fan]

This not truly funny but it proves a point:

What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation:

1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.

2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?"

3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence."

4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.

5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.

6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.

7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.

8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.

[Leader of Men]

Originally posted by Unforgiven Fan
<b>This not truly funny but it proves a point:

What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation: &nbsp;

1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate. &nbsp;

2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?" &nbsp;

3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence." &nbsp;

4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. &nbsp;

5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence. &nbsp;

6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence. &nbsp;

7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time. &nbsp;

8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back. </b> I found it both funny, and point proving

[creedfan47a]

E-mail vs Penis

1. Some folks have it, some don't.

2. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

3. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

4. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

5. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it. (e-mail envy)

6. It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

7. In the long distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

8. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

9. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

10. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

11. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.