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Old 09-13-2005, 08:53 PM   #1
aussiecreeder
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Men always win!

this is an email...hopefully it provides a couple of laughs!

WOMEN'S REVENGE
>
>"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to >purchase.
>As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control
for a television >set in her purse.
>"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
>"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, >and I figured this was the most evil
thing I could do to him legally." >
>UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>
> I know I'm not
>
>going to understand women.
> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, >pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, >and still be afraid of a spider.
>
>MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>
>While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication, >Tom and his wife Grace listened to the
instructor, >"It is essential that husbands and wives know
each other's likes and >dislikes."
>He addressed the man,
>"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
>Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's >Pillsbury, isn't it?
>
>CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and
down the aisles. >The sales girl notices him and asks him if
she can help him. >He answers that he is looking for a box
of tampons for his wife. >She directs him down the correct
aisle. >A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of
cotton balls and a ball of string on the
counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you
were looking for some tampons
>for your wife?
> He answers, " You see, it's like this,
>yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton
of cigarettes, > and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling > papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. > So, I figure if I
have to roll my own .......... so does she. > ( I
figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )

>WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not
saying a word. >An earlier discussion had led to an argument
and >neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
>the husband
>asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
>"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


>W O R D S
>A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a >day...
>30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to
repeat >everything
>to men...
>The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


> CREATION
> A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be >so stupid and so beautiful all at the same
>time.
> " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
>God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
> God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


>WHO DOES WHAT
>A man and his wife were having an argument about who
>should brew the coffee each morning.
>The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
>and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
>The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around
here and >you should do it, because that is your job, and I
can just wait for my >coffee."
>Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in
the Bible >that
>the man should do the coffee."
>Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
>and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
>says.........."HEBREWS"


>The Silent Treatment
>A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
were giving each >other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day, >he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business >flight.
>Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE)
, he wrote on a >piece of paper,
>"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
>He left it where he knew she would find it.
>The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was
9:00 AM >and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was
about to go and >see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when
he noticed a piece of paper by >the bed. The paper said, "It
is 5:00 AM. Wake up." >Men are not equipped for these kinds
of contests. >
>God may have created man before woman,
>but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
__________________
She never told a lie,
Well, might of told a lie.
But never lived one.
Didnít have a life.
Didnít have a life.
But surely saved one.
Alright, now itís time for us to let you go.

Tool
Wings for Marie
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Old 09-13-2005, 11:38 PM   #2
creedsister
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Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

You Gotta Submit
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Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything
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Old 09-14-2005, 01:50 PM   #3
RMadd
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not cool man.... only funny one was the cigarettes/tampons one
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Old 09-14-2005, 02:28 PM   #4
Anna1011
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lmao loved it
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*And I know*

*Youíre a part of me*

*And itís your song*

*that sets me free*

*I sing it while*

*I feel I canít hold on*

*I sing tonight*

*cause it comforts me*

"You laugh at me because i'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same"


find me here
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Old 09-14-2005, 07:35 PM   #5
aussiecreeder
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Quote: (Originally Posted by RMadd) not cool man.... only funny one was the cigarettes/tampons one


oh what? come on man it was hilarious...lol
i loved the bit where the women saids i was created beautiful so you would be attracted to me, and i was created stupid so i would be attracted to you. and men being the rough draft in creation was also funny....
__________________
She never told a lie,
Well, might of told a lie.
But never lived one.
Didnít have a life.
Didnít have a life.
But surely saved one.
Alright, now itís time for us to let you go.

Tool
Wings for Marie
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