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Old 01-15-2004, 03:46 PM   #1
TeriB19
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Stupid People

In Honor of Stupid People
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
__________________
MK: We're never gonna have the Super Bowl of Scott Stapp vs. Myles Kennedy in a sing-off - it's ridiculous.

SP: Actually, we are setting that up.

MT: It was in your contract when you signed up with us.

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Old 01-15-2004, 03:49 PM   #2
TeriB19
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Jokes

He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've
got nothing to put in it. She said . . . You wear
pants don't you?

He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you? She said . . .Turn sideways
and look in the mirror!

On a wall in a ladies room . .. . "My husband follows
me everywhere" Written just below it . .. . " I do not"


Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.


Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the
future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.


Q. What is the difference between men and government
bonds?
A. The bonds mature.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.


Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.


Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.


Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is every night?
A. A widow.


Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in
bed and go to the fridge.


Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
A. They're married.


Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?" God says: "So she would love you
__________________
MK: We're never gonna have the Super Bowl of Scott Stapp vs. Myles Kennedy in a sing-off - it's ridiculous.

SP: Actually, we are setting that up.

MT: It was in your contract when you signed up with us.

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Old 01-15-2004, 03:58 PM   #3
GoodGodGirl23
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Quote: (Originally Posted by TeriB19) In Honor of Stupid People
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Those were good Teri!! hehehe!
__________________
"I Like
Pleasure Spiked With Pain, And Music Is My Aeroplane"-
Red Hot Chili Peppers-
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Old 01-15-2004, 04:19 PM   #4
RMadd
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If only it weren't for the stupid lawsuit-happy people in these here United States, these things wouldn't be necessary.
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Old 01-15-2004, 05:22 PM   #5
JenRN
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Pretty good ones Teri!!! Gee do I relate to too many of them
__________________
"I don't want to know emptiness, take me down to the water wanna be baptized in your love far away from the lonliness, take my heart and wash away the fear let me be baptized in your love"

~Lenny Kravitz
"Baptized"
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Old 01-15-2004, 11:14 PM   #6
GeeK_2004
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I hate airplane food...espacially those little nice packeged peanuts that they ALWAYS give you !!!!
__________________


So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away - you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control...
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

"Snuff" - Slipknot
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Old 01-15-2004, 11:15 PM   #7
GeeK_2004
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My mom is the only person that i know that likes them peanuts....



__________________


So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away - you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control...
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

"Snuff" - Slipknot
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Old 01-15-2004, 11:17 PM   #8
Xterminator27
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On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?


no actually, you can mail the dorito company and they will send you a voucher for a prize for free.


Oh and there was a comercial for the game "guess Who" the cards were cartoons on the comercal and they were doing shit, at the end its like
"game cards do not actually talk"







On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

As of underwater use


The peanut bags are jokes made from teh company btw.

and you have no idea how many kids jump off roofs wearing superman capes thinking that they can fly
__________________
If life gives you lemons,

Then shut the hell up and eat your damn lemons!

BUY MY MERCHANDISE
http://www.cafepress.com/xterminator27

Last edited by Xterminator27 : 01-15-2004 at 11:20 PM.
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Old 01-16-2004, 12:55 AM   #9
Higher_Desire
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One of my favorite warning labels was on a bandsaw: "Caution: Do not attempt to stop blade with hands."

Only in this sue-happy country.


H-D
__________________

Today I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long
Gonna make the most of it

Today I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late


--lyrics from "One Day Too Late" by Skillet
from their new album "Awake"
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Old 01-16-2004, 02:31 AM   #10
DangerousDan85
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those were funny Terri, thanks for posting them
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We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight
And yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home

Alice in Chains- Nutshell
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Old 01-16-2004, 09:42 AM   #11
GeeK_2004
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So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away - you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control...
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

"Snuff" - Slipknot
Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2004, 09:52 AM   #12
Mulletman
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Quote: (Originally Posted by TeriB19) Jokes
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.


You evil evil evil bitch
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Intellectial Giant (Social Outcast)
Quote: (Originally Posted by JenRN) Maybe it's time for some Mullet magic! He can do his Hoffa thing again!
Quote: (Originally Posted by Harvey) Women must adore you.
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Old 01-16-2004, 09:53 AM   #13
GeeK_2004
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__________________


So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away - you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control...
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

"Snuff" - Slipknot
Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2004, 12:03 PM   #14
JenRN
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Quote: (Originally Posted by Mulletman) You evil evil evil bitch
LOL..... yes that statement about the caring men I can really agree with! Sorry Mullet, I guess I just need someone to prove us wrong hugh? Especially after what I have recently gone through
__________________
"I don't want to know emptiness, take me down to the water wanna be baptized in your love far away from the lonliness, take my heart and wash away the fear let me be baptized in your love"

~Lenny Kravitz
"Baptized"
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Old 01-16-2004, 12:06 PM   #15
TeriB19
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Quote: (Originally Posted by Mulletman) You evil evil evil bitch
Present company excluded, of course.
__________________
MK: We're never gonna have the Super Bowl of Scott Stapp vs. Myles Kennedy in a sing-off - it's ridiculous.

SP: Actually, we are setting that up.

MT: It was in your contract when you signed up with us.

Reply With Quote
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