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#1 |
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guy's rules
okay us guys cop it all the time so now is the time for revenge!
![]() Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. i didn't think of these but i must say they are brillant and oh so true! ![]()
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She never told a lie, Well, might of told a lie. But never lived one. Didn’t have a life. Didn’t have a life. But surely saved one. Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go. Tool Wings for Marie |
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#2 |
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Status: Tree of Wisdom
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HaHaHaHaHaHaHa, LMAO what Color Is Fricking Mauve
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Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything ![]() |
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#3 |
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Status: Found Peace
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LOL. I posted something like this a while back. It's really funny. I think another addition would be (for me at least) that it's incredibly hard to trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
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Today I'm gonna try a little harder Gonna make every minute last longer Gonna learn to forgive and forget 'Cause we don't have long Gonna make the most of it Today I'm gonna love my enemies Reach out to somebody who needs me Make a change, make the world a better place 'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late --lyrics from "One Day Too Late" by Skillet from their new album "Awake" |
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#4 |
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Status: Wound Up
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Haha.
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"It's all about the super jackpot." -Mark Tremonti |
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#5 |
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Status: Strong Inside
Posts: 1,498
Joined: Jan 2003
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Yea and if it didn't bleed you wouldn't exist to write stupid things like that.. ![]()
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Someone finds salvation In everyone Another only pain Someone tries to hide himself Down inside himself he prays Someone swears his true love Until the end of time Another runs away Separate or united Empty or insane And be yourself is all that you can do All that you can do Be Yourself~Audioslave ~Ignore me, I dare you~ ![]() |
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#6 |
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Status: Rising Sun
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ouch... anyhow back to the laughs how good was this one? Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. lmao
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She never told a lie, Well, might of told a lie. But never lived one. Didn’t have a life. Didn’t have a life. But surely saved one. Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go. Tool Wings for Marie |
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#7 |
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Status: Young Grown Old
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![]() ![]() Those were funny, hide...
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Silly monkeys give them thumbs they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive so misguided is a mystery. |
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#8 |
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Status: Fields of Time
Posts: 14,622
Joined: Sep 2002
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'See the world in Green and Blue Aotearoa right in front of you. See the land of the long white cloud Cape Reinga, to the fiords in the south. Harbour lights in the City of Sails Aroha, the love that never fails See the bird with the leaf in her mouth After the flood all the colours came out.' - Beautiful Day, Auckland, NZ - 24 Nov 2006 |
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#9 |
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Status: Rising Sun
Posts: 3,862
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Just about every time I see Adam( the guy that i really really really reallly like.....) do that...I start laughin....Dont know why.. its just funny (to me....).....
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So break yourself against my stones And spit your pity in my soul You never needed any help You sold me out to save yourself And I won't listen to your shame You ran away - you're all the same Angels lie to keep control... My love was punished long ago If you still care, don't ever let me know If you still care, don't ever let me know... "Snuff" - Slipknot |
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#10 |
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1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
not really true.... yea in a way its true.. ok....what IF a girl/female/woman said that she was/is/thinks that she fat ..and shes like a size 0 or 2 or something ( somethin really small like size 2 or something..)..would you think thats/shes fat ?!?!?! now.....dont get me wrong... when a big person says that, of course, more than likely their fat (not trying to start anything if anyone gets offened by this comment!!!!)
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So break yourself against my stones And spit your pity in my soul You never needed any help You sold me out to save yourself And I won't listen to your shame You ran away - you're all the same Angels lie to keep control... My love was punished long ago If you still care, don't ever let me know If you still care, don't ever let me know... "Snuff" - Slipknot |
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#11 |
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Status: Tree of Wisdom
Posts: 8,290
Joined: Oct 2003
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Only Women Bleed
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Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything ![]() |
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#12 |
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Status: Found Peace
Posts: 8,631
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Yeah. I could have gone without knowing that information. lol.
But why the hell does it take so long? And why can't they just move by themselves? Or why do they have to move? Any why blood? H-D ![]()
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Today I'm gonna try a little harder Gonna make every minute last longer Gonna learn to forgive and forget 'Cause we don't have long Gonna make the most of it Today I'm gonna love my enemies Reach out to somebody who needs me Make a change, make the world a better place 'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late --lyrics from "One Day Too Late" by Skillet from their new album "Awake" |
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#13 |
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there are also lots of skinny girls who want to be told they are thin! anyhow; Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. ![]()
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She never told a lie, Well, might of told a lie. But never lived one. Didn’t have a life. Didn’t have a life. But surely saved one. Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go. Tool Wings for Marie |
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#14 |
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Status: Faceless Fan
Posts: 474
Joined: Oct 2002
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She's fat fat FAT! Healthy women are into the minus sizes.
This is the only one I found funny. |
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#15 |
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Status: Rising Sun
Posts: 3,976
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the only one? i was cracking up anyway.....
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She never told a lie, Well, might of told a lie. But never lived one. Didn’t have a life. Didn’t have a life. But surely saved one. Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go. Tool Wings for Marie |
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