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05-23-2004, 01:11 AM
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I've Got A Problem...please HELP!!
I really need some advice. This may sound a little weird as I don’t usually come to you guys for help with relationships, but I am stuck on this one and hope each of you can help me.
As some of you have probably realised, there is this guy, Marc, and I have been seeing him for a little while now. I am moving on after my past relationship, this still feels a little weird, but you can’t stop love when it happens. It feels good to have someone love me, and for me to be loving them back. I really care for him, we get along so well, and I can see that he thinks the world of me. I just went on my 2nd date with him lastnight, and I have never had that much fun with a guy before. (Also, we did share our first kiss which made the night all that more special), but we have a nice bond, and the relationship could be getting serious. The problem is I don’t know how to tell my parents about him. I don’t want to deceive them all the time, say I’m going out with my friends, when really I’m going on a date with a guy I really like. It’s hard because I’m afraid of what they are going to say. I don’t know how to bring it up, I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know how I should act when I tell them. The reason of this is because something happened to me last year, and they care a lot about my protection now than they have ever done. When I ask them if I can go out with my friends, they always have to pick me up when I want to come home, they have to know where I am, what I am doing. I want to tell them about Marc, but I don’t know how. I should have told them straight away but I didn’t. Me and Marc will want to go out every week, we will want to stay out late, I will want to stay at his house, stuff like that. And I don’t know how my parents are going to react to that when I tell them that. Will they trust him? Will they think he is a good person? Will they let me go out with him? I know that Marc is a good person, but they don’t, which makes it difficult. Because of how they act towards me, what kind of rules they have for me, it makes it hard. Marc lives about a half an hour drive away from me, and I know that that will become an issue for them aswell. Marc has his learners license, he will be getting a car signed to his name in September, and I don’t know if my parents will trust us to go out driving together. I know that once they meet him they may like him straight away, and all my worrying could be over nothing, but I can’t help it because I don’t want let this chance slip by as I really care for Marc and I don’t want my parents being unhappy about us being together. So, could you please make some suggestions about what I should do? How should I bring this up? Please everyone say anything that you think will work and I will think about it because I don’t want to hide this from my own parents forever. Please help me. Thanks….  (Remember, even if you think your idea is stupid, I will appreciate anything you have to say).
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'See the world in Green and Blue Aotearoa right in front of you. See the land of the long white cloud Cape Reinga, to the fiords in the south. Harbour lights in the City of Sails Aroha, the love that never fails See the bird with the leaf in her mouth After the flood all the colours came out.' - Beautiful Day, Auckland, NZ - 24 Nov 2006 |
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05-23-2004, 02:12 AM
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My suggestion...just tell them straight out. This is what I do with my parents if I'm going out with a guy. If you keep this bottled up for a long time, it's going to get you stressed out and then sooner or later something is going to slip out. Telling your parents about him can be nerve racking because whenever I tell my dad and mom about a guy they want to know EVERYTHING! However, I know they are just concerned for me and want what is best for me. I don't know your parents, but this Marc guy sounds really great and I'm sure your parents will like him too! What you can do is bring it up casually and once you tell them everything about him, ask them if it is okay that you bring him over to have dinner with your family.
Telling them lets them know that they can trust you. If you don't tell them, what's going to happen when they find out through someone else that your dating Marc. They are going to feel like they can't trust you. So you're better off telling them instead of hiding it forever. My advice may sound kind of stupid but practice to yourself what you are going to say to them. If you practice ahead of time, it will come out a lot smoother so you don't feel so anxious to get everything out at once. Your parents sound like they really care about you and love you very much, and if they do, they will listen to you and trust that you will make the right decisions. I know it's going to be hard, but trust me, as soon as you tell them, you will feel a lot better! Good Luck and I hope I helped.
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You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true --------------------------------------------------- Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true Somebody somewhere is thinking of you |
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05-23-2004, 03:04 AM
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yep you should tell them what is going on, they don't have rules for the sake of it i'm sure. there must be a good reason why they want to do this. how old are you btw? do they know this guy? you might want to do this but have mac over to meet your parents. they'll see that he's a good guy and if not i'm just over the tasman!
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She never told a lie, Well, might of told a lie. But never lived one. Didn’t have a life. Didn’t have a life. But surely saved one. Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go. Tool Wings for Marie |
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05-23-2004, 03:38 AM
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Yeah, that's true, and thats not good for anyone.
Yeah, lol. I'm really nervous about it, but not so much about how they want to know everything about him, I'm just worried about what they are going to say, because I haven't really ever seriously talked to them about my relationship with guys before. Just because I know that there are alot of boundries that I have to live by, so with me going out with Marc, I will be opening the rules slightly, that's something we both will have to get used to I guess. He is. And I do think that my parents will like him once they get to know him.Thats quite a good idea, thanks. Yeah, thats how I am feeling, it's just hard to bring up. Thanks very much, you did help, you had some good suggestions. No, of course not. This will just be a first, which is probably why it's so nerve wracking. I'm 15, (going on 21, my mum says)  And no, they don't know Marc. Which is also strange, because they'll think it's like a random guy all of a sudden, which he's not, I have known him for awhile.  Mac. Aww, lol. Having him over for dinner sounds like quite a good idea, then maybe later on both of our families could meet up. His mum knows about me, Marc brings me up occasionally, and she knew that he came to see me last week aswell. This is hard, but I guess I have to do it sooner or later. Thanks you two, you did help, keep the advice coming Thanks
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'See the world in Green and Blue Aotearoa right in front of you. See the land of the long white cloud Cape Reinga, to the fiords in the south. Harbour lights in the City of Sails Aroha, the love that never fails See the bird with the leaf in her mouth After the flood all the colours came out.' - Beautiful Day, Auckland, NZ - 24 Nov 2006 |
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05-23-2004, 03:53 AM
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15? i guess they could be a little worried but i'm sure they trust you. is he about the same age as you? if he's older say 18 or above i guess they could be a little concerned. mac oops!
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She never told a lie, Well, might of told a lie. But never lived one. Didn’t have a life. Didn’t have a life. But surely saved one. Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go. Tool Wings for Marie |
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05-23-2004, 03:59 AM
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He's 5 months older than me, so they have nothing to worry about in the age department.
Mac, that cracked me up.
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'See the world in Green and Blue Aotearoa right in front of you. See the land of the long white cloud Cape Reinga, to the fiords in the south. Harbour lights in the City of Sails Aroha, the love that never fails See the bird with the leaf in her mouth After the flood all the colours came out.' - Beautiful Day, Auckland, NZ - 24 Nov 2006 |
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05-23-2004, 04:11 AM
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#7 |
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Hayley, what the others said was good advice. I'm not a parent, but I know I would want to know if my child was interested in someone. They just want to keep you safe because they love you, I'm sure. And what's not to love. You're a great girl and this Marc obviously has seen that
. Anyway, keeping it from your parents will just make matters worse when they do find out, and they will. They always do. My mom always told us it was better to be straight up about things even if you're in the wrong. The lies (by omission as well) are worse than the crime, hehe. Trust me on this  .
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Silly monkeys give them thumbs they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive so misguided is a mystery. |
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05-23-2004, 04:16 AM
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okay 5 months nothing to worry about there, yeah mac hehe! so are they worried about you being you know deflowered???? 
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She never told a lie, Well, might of told a lie. But never lived one. Didn’t have a life. Didn’t have a life. But surely saved one. Alright, now it’s time for us to let you go. Tool Wings for Marie |
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05-23-2004, 04:29 AM
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Yeah, they do love me, and they do just want to keep me safe, I do appreciate that and I am aware of it, its just that at times that can be difficult to deal with, and to obey all of the time, but they aren't that bad I guess.
Aw, Dogstar, thank you. That's true, I have learnt that, even though I haven't even really lived half of my life yet, but that's so true. Not if they knew that Marc really cared about me and loved me, and that we would be doing it because we loved each other. But she would either shove the condoms at me, or put me on the pill if we decided to. Which that's okay, I know it's because she wants to keep me safe. That wouldn't happen for a little while though, anyway...I don't think. No, we have talked about that, and Marc always says that he knows that I want to take it slow, and not to jump into the deep end too quickly. He respects me, which is what's most important.
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'See the world in Green and Blue Aotearoa right in front of you. See the land of the long white cloud Cape Reinga, to the fiords in the south. Harbour lights in the City of Sails Aroha, the love that never fails See the bird with the leaf in her mouth After the flood all the colours came out.' - Beautiful Day, Auckland, NZ - 24 Nov 2006 |
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05-23-2004, 04:55 AM
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#10 | ||
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Well Hayley, you better keep this guy! The best thing is that he respects you and your decisions which is rare now a days for some guys. I'm happy that you found someone that likes you for who you are. He sees that you are a beautiful person on the inside and out!
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You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true --------------------------------------------------- Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true Somebody somewhere is thinking of you |
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05-23-2004, 04:56 AM
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Oh and you're welcome for the advice! If you need anything else, I'll be glad to help. Just PM me or post it.
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You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true --------------------------------------------------- Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true Somebody somewhere is thinking of you |
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05-23-2004, 05:17 AM
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I think I will...he's not letting me go!
I'm very lucky. Yeah, I agree. It is rare.  But I am lucky, that he cares for me so much. Thanks, Alisha! Will do, and thanks again, your advice about bringing him over for dinner sounds like a good idea.
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'See the world in Green and Blue Aotearoa right in front of you. See the land of the long white cloud Cape Reinga, to the fiords in the south. Harbour lights in the City of Sails Aroha, the love that never fails See the bird with the leaf in her mouth After the flood all the colours came out.' - Beautiful Day, Auckland, NZ - 24 Nov 2006 |
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05-23-2004, 09:15 AM
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Hayley, the others are absolutely right. Tell them and be honest with them. Kerri said it best, lies, even lies of omission do the most damage. Be honest, good luck and tell Marc if he hurts you, he's got all of US to contend with!!!
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MK: We're never gonna have the Super Bowl of Scott Stapp vs. Myles Kennedy in a sing-off - it's ridiculous. SP: Actually, we are setting that up. MT: It was in your contract when you signed up with us. 
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05-23-2004, 12:32 PM
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Everyone gave you wonderful advice, Hayley. I totally agree. Kerri and Teri are right, lies usually do come out and they can be even more hurtful later then knowing the truth from the beginning. I hope everything works out for the two of you.
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I was selfish, but you still loved me You gave the greatest gift of all And you set me free Relearn Love |
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05-23-2004, 02:52 PM
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Ditto!! Totally agree with Dogstar!! I am a mom and I've ALWAYS told Anna, "Just be truthfull", because yes, WE DO ALWAYS FIND OUT!! One way or another. Probably because I've been there, done that!! lol...This is the reason why I have total trust in my daughter. I've told her since she was old enough to understand, that there ISN'T ANYTHING she could do or say that would make me not love her, as long as she was truthfull! That's the key to a trusting and healthy parent/child relationship.. And fortunately, that's the kind of relationship we have!! You're a smart girl Haley, we all know you'll do the right thing!!
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