Comedy Quote Thread

[Mulletman]

Dave Chapelle rules!!!!

"Women are like refrigerators, they are sixe feet tall, weigh about 600lbs.... Actually women are like a beer. they are small, round, smell great, taste great, AND YOU'D STEP OVER YOUR OWN MOTHER JUST TO GET ONE! but you can't just have one woman, you need another, and another, and another, and another....."

- Homer Simpson



"Oh my God, lesbians!!!"

"I found a dildo!!! Woo hooo, dildo! dildo! dildo! dildo!"

- Stifler



"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Not you, you're cool, Fuck you, dog... I quit!"

- Half Baked




I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

- Ferris Bueller

"I do have a test today, that wasn't bullsh**. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So, who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car."

- Ferris Bueller

Ferris Bueller: We can't pick up Sloane in your car. Mr. Rooney would never believe Mr. Peterson drives that piece of shit.
Cameron Frye: Not a piece of shit.
Ferris Bueller: It is a piece of shit. Don't worry about it. I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours.



Cameron Frye: The 1961 Ferrari, two-fifty GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion . . .
Ferris Bueller: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.

Cameron Frye: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.
Ferris Bueller: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.



Ahem, no no, THIS is the greatest movie EVER!

[Sincirr]

My momma bought U 4 me when I was just 13
Was the greatest sweatshirt I ever seen
she got an extra large so I wouldnt grow out
"That's too big 4 U!" the othe children would shout
But we stuck 2gether, we didnt quit
and now the children say, "what a perfect fit!"

I love U sweeeeeeeeeeeeeatshirt - red hooded
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatshirt - dip dip dip
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatshirt - shamalamadingdong
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatshirt

I love to rest my hands in your Kangaroo pouch
It feels all comfy like a big soft couch
And I dont care if the weather's no good, I say
"See U later rain!" as I put up my hood
Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap
I used u as a pillow on that spanish ladies lap

Chorus,,,,,,,,,,,

OOOOOOOOH what is it about U that makes me so jolly?
Is it your 50 cotton, or your 50 polly
I dont knooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!

Red Hooded Sweatshirt - Adam Sandler

[Wylde-Tremonti]

Quote: (Originally Posted by Sincirr)

My momma bought U 4 me when I was just 13
Was the greatest sweatshirt I ever seen
she got an extra large so I wouldnt grow out
"That's too big 4 U!" the othe children would shout
But we stuck 2gether, we didnt quit
and now the children say, "what a perfect fit!"

I love U sweeeeeeeeeeeeeatshirt - red hooded
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatshirt - dip dip dip
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatshirt - shamalamadingdong
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatshirt

I love to rest my hands in your Kangaroo pouch
It feels all comfy like a big soft couch
And I dont care if the weather's no good, I say
"See U later rain!" as I put up my hood
Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap
I used u as a pillow on that spanish ladies lap

Chorus,,,,,,,,,,,

OOOOOOOOH what is it about U that makes me so jolly?
Is it your 50 cotton, or your 50 polly
I dont knooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!

Red Hooded Sweatshirt - Adam Sandler

ADAM SANDLER IS THE SHIT!!!!!!

"MAMA SAID VICKEY IS THE DEVIL!!!!"

"MAMA SAID ALIGATORS SO ONRY CUZ THEY GOT ALL THEM TEETH BUT NO TUTH BRUSH!!!"

I LOVE ADAM SANDLER!!!!

[creedlover16]

EMPIRE RECORDS~ joe i'm leaving the couch, i gottta use the bathroom joe.....joe i'm leaving the couch now. i thought joe said u couldn't leave the couch, not the whole couch!

[archie bunker]

my not be funny to some people but struck me funny--IF HE DIES HE DIES-ivan drago rocky 4

[Sincirr]

Da people at da zoo will treat U reeeeeeeeeeeeeal resPectable like!

HE CALLED DA SHIT POOP!

U AINT COOL, UNLESS U PEE YOUR PANTS!

SHAMPOO IS BETTA! I GO ON FIRST AND CLEAN DA HAIR
CONDITIONER IS BETTA! I MAKE DE HAIR ALL SILLLLLKY AND SMOOOOOTH!
OOH REEEALY FOOL!
REEEALY!
UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH!!!!!!!!!
STOP LOOKING AT ME SWAAAAAAN!!!!!
Billy Madison

[Sincirr]

Who does number two wwwwwwwoooork for!!!!!!!!!!!
Austin Powers!

[archie bunker]

so many people cant drive drunk cause they dont learn to drive drunk-chainsaw-summer school

[creedsister]

Quote: (Originally Posted by archie bunker)

my not be funny to some people but struck me funny--IF HE DIES HE DIES-ivan drago rocky 4

yesssssssssss I do~~~SOME PEOPLE DERSEVE TO DIE]]] audrey2 Little shop of horries

[Sincirr]

You'll wind up livin in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Chris Farley - motivational speaker, lol

BRING ON DA SNL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[RMadd]

Chris Farley is some funny muthafuckin' shit!

[Sincirr]

LOL heck yeh!!!!

FAT GUY IN A LITTLE COOOOAT, FAT GUY IN A LITTLE COOOAT!

[Dogstar]

FERRIS BUELLER RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass in two weeks you'd have a diamond."

LMAO!

[SCOTTSMYMAN]

Stiffler: Hey Finch! What's the capital of Thailand? .......... BANGKOK!(as he punches Finch in the balls)

American Pie 3: American Wedding

[Sincirr]

I'm going across the road to get you some orange sheeeeeeeeeeeerbeeeeeeert!
Mike / Christian: Austin Powers