Stay the course. For Scott and Mark

[metalanus]

not to boast but I think this could have gone on "the great divide" or "one day remains. Im sure you'll pick this apart as well Mr. U. but I like feeback so go ahead.

anger at you I intrenalize
bombs you throw with your lies
breaking treaties that we held so dear
only leads to smokey air

labeling is what you do
just let me have my point of view
and don't retreat when I say
I just want whats best for you

Its so hard to do the right thing
when you apear to be the aggressor
and two armies march deep inside
you've got to stay the course

those thought loyal go astray
leaving you alone to take all the blame
you can stand alone and be in the right
dont run from the fight

its so hard to do the right thing
when you appear to be the agressor
and two armies march deep inside
you've got to stay the course

I can disarm you with a few words
and you the same with me
lets throw down out arms
lets say we're sorry

[uncertaindrumer]

Don't have the time to go into a full critique but I like this a bit more than your others. I would suggest though, that you try to write without rhymes. You can add them in later if you really want to but I think it would help you out a lot if you stayed away from rhyming for a while. When I first started writing I wanted to rhyme everything, thought everything needed to flow.... but indeed rhyming can harm the flow when overdone, and rhymes tend to be overdone.

Or, if you are going to rhyme, try to do something with a different scheme. Like instead of ABAB, do something like ABBA or perhaps rhyme the first line, leave the second on an island, so to speak, and then rhyme the last two. I dunno, just try to mix it up a bit. If nothing else, a goal should be to try for somethign unique.

[The Lithium]

Um, I don't mean this in a negative way, but who are you to say what Mark and Scott should do?

[uncertaindrumer]

Quote: (Originally Posted by The Lithium)

Um, I don't mean this in a negative way, but who are you to say what Mark and Scott should do?

He's a fan. It's what fans do.

[metalanus]

im not saying they should do anything. I wrote it about relationships in genral. At the time my best freind was cheated on by his fiance, I had a falling out with a prior best freind , and my coworkers at work seemed to hate me. I just said that because Mark and scott went through what ive been through and my falling out with my freind which was ironicly over music and leadership.

[Rocketqueen]

i can disarm you with few words , and you the same with me Nooooooooooooo cant be done but it sounded good lets throw down out arms lets say we,re sorry

[The Lithium]

Quote: (Originally Posted by uncertaindrumer)

He's a fan. It's what fans do.

Yeah, but don't tell 'em what to do if you weren't there with them when this all happened and don't tell 'em what to do if you don't know 'em.

[metalanus]

im not telling anyone what to do.

it also is about the war in iraq not so much as it was symbolic of that . hopefully you can't tell my war view pro, con by it.

[uncertaindrumer]

Quote: (Originally Posted by The Lithium)

Yeah, but don't tell 'em what to do if you weren't there with them when this all happened and don't tell 'em what to do if you don't know 'em.

Why not? Again, that's what fans DO. IN EVERYTHING. In Sports, the fans are always better coaches than the REAL ones. In movies, fans always know which lines would have been better here, or what they should have done there. With celebrities, fans always know which guy should go for which girl, etc. Nothing different here. Its doing what fans do.

[metalanus]

I was a creed fan but not extremist fans like you all . I dfid not cry over it or lose sleep.

[uncertaindrumer]

^Lol if anything I wept tears of joy when Creed broke up... lol

[Bridge of Clay]

Quote: (Originally Posted by uncertaindrumer)

He's a fan. It's what fans do.

ROFLMAO!!!