Funny (real!) Newspaper Headlines

[Higher_Desire]

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumn
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies


H-D

[RMadd]

ah, seen 'em before, quite hilarious. on a related note, last semester, we were watching the news down here in Springfield MO on KYKY-NBC, channel 3. they go to commercial, but before showing the ads, they had this little segment for fun activities for children called:




































KY for Kids


we, almost immediately, looked up the site, but couldn't find a link to the KY for Kids stuff. they wouldn't email us info, either. had we come across anything, i'm almost positive that shit woulda made it onto Leno.

[TeriB19]

Very funny stuff, Colin! Thanks for sharing.

By the way, Headlines is one of my favorite segments on Leno.


10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Still laughing at these.

[Trimontana]

57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training


LOL, too bad

[JulieCitySlicker]

I'll have to come back to these when I have more time

[creedsister]

man that was long,

[creedsister]

Quote: (Originally Posted by JulieCitySlicker)

I'll have to come back to these when I have more time

I hear Ya

[revisfoot]

I kid you not, a few weeks ago in the Wichita Falls newspaper, there was a headline that read:
























"Police Finger Man Suspected of Identity Theft"

[Anna1011]

hehe amusing