++ Alter Bridge - Fortress ++ PreOrder NOW!!  
Go Back   CreedFeed Community > Community Central > Waxing Poetica
Today's Posts «

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-21-2004, 02:29 AM   #1
MrSeeker
MrSeeker's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 965
Joined: Jun 2003
Currently: Offline
Contact:  Send a message via AIM to MrSeeker
Beautiful as Hell

This didnt come out the way i wanted it,but its ok...i have written this over about 4 different times,this ones more people friendly (i guess you would say). Hope you like it even though I dont,hehe.

"The blood flows as the moment slows
There she is with her poisened lips
The one every guy wants
A beautiful body she loves to flaunt

Beautiful, she's so beautiful

She's the one who knows your weakness
She'll put on her charm and leave you defenseless
She has a way with her words
She'll get what she wants then kick you to the curb

Beautiful, she's so beautiful
Beautiful as Hell

Her beautiful silky skin
Hides her lies within
And although I coulnt tell
She's as beautiful as Hell"

Please rate a 1 through 10 please! (10 being very good, 1 being horrible)
__________________
My Myspace page Visit and add me!

Favorite bands,
As I Lay Dying
Demon Hunter
August Burns Red
Becoming The Archetype

Voices are hidden
Giving shame to my name
Am I no better forgiven
If I leave this world the same.

Last edited by MrSeeker : 01-21-2004 at 02:49 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2004, 09:28 AM   #2
mriamboring
USER INFO »
Status: Illusion
Posts: 24
Joined: Oct 2003
Currently: Offline
seems like you've taken the idea behind beautiful by creed and just reworded it...
Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2004, 01:44 PM   #3
creedsister
creedsister's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: Tree of Wisdom
Posts: 8,290
Joined: Oct 2003
Currently: Offline
Very diffrernt mrseeker than your other stuff it was short but HELL i liked it UMMMMMMMMM i give it A big 10 because it was so diffrent from your other stuff but yet good what can i say it was beautiful As hell
__________________
Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything
Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2004, 05:27 PM   #4
MrSeeker
MrSeeker's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 965
Joined: Jun 2003
Currently: Offline
Contact:  Send a message via AIM to MrSeeker
actually, i didnt take the idea from creed. i wrote it up several different ways. I wrote it with severel different meanings also.
anywayz, Thanks Ta!
__________________
My Myspace page Visit and add me!

Favorite bands,
As I Lay Dying
Demon Hunter
August Burns Red
Becoming The Archetype

Voices are hidden
Giving shame to my name
Am I no better forgiven
If I leave this world the same.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2004, 05:36 PM   #5
Dogstar
Forum Diplomat
Dogstar's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: Young Grown Old
Posts: 21,345
Joined: Sep 2002
Currently: Offline
Quote: (Originally Posted by mriamboring) seems like you've taken the idea behind beautiful by creed and just reworded it...

Actually, that theme is a pretty universal one written about by many and in many different ways.

I like your effort, MrSeeker and it conveys the theme clearly. I give it an 8 .
__________________
Silly monkeys give them thumbs
they make a club and beat their brother down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2004, 06:11 PM   #6
MrSeeker
MrSeeker's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 965
Joined: Jun 2003
Currently: Offline
Contact:  Send a message via AIM to MrSeeker
Thanks!!!
I totally think it sucks though,haha. i dont know why,it didnt come out like i wanted it to...when i re-wite it, i will post it,you guys will hopefully like that one better
__________________
My Myspace page Visit and add me!

Favorite bands,
As I Lay Dying
Demon Hunter
August Burns Red
Becoming The Archetype

Voices are hidden
Giving shame to my name
Am I no better forgiven
If I leave this world the same.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2004, 07:36 PM   #7
mriamboring
USER INFO »
Status: Illusion
Posts: 24
Joined: Oct 2003
Currently: Offline
yo, just to clarify i wasn't having a go. i think it was well written and yeh i know the theme is that of an experience many of us have gone through, was just saying there are many similarities there.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2004, 09:12 PM   #8
MrSeeker
MrSeeker's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 965
Joined: Jun 2003
Currently: Offline
Contact:  Send a message via AIM to MrSeeker
You should read my other stuff because this one (to me) is the worst i've written...
__________________
My Myspace page Visit and add me!

Favorite bands,
As I Lay Dying
Demon Hunter
August Burns Red
Becoming The Archetype

Voices are hidden
Giving shame to my name
Am I no better forgiven
If I leave this world the same.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2004, 09:25 PM   #9
creedsister
creedsister's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: Tree of Wisdom
Posts: 8,290
Joined: Oct 2003
Currently: Offline
Quote: (Originally Posted by MrSeeker) You should read my other stuff because this one (to me) is the worst i've written...
why please forgive me for my use of words but she sounds like a harlot a temptress Hahaha if you know what i mean im sorry but thats all i get out this one Like Motleys Teaser on decade of decadence~~hey But its all good~
__________________
Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything
Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2004, 12:44 AM   #10
MrSeeker
MrSeeker's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 965
Joined: Jun 2003
Currently: Offline
Contact:  Send a message via AIM to MrSeeker
Yea,hehehe,its all good
__________________
My Myspace page Visit and add me!

Favorite bands,
As I Lay Dying
Demon Hunter
August Burns Red
Becoming The Archetype

Voices are hidden
Giving shame to my name
Am I no better forgiven
If I leave this world the same.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2004, 10:15 AM   #11
Aimee
Aimee's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 822
Joined: Sep 2002
Currently: Offline
I don't think it's bad at all. I know some of the stuff I wrote and think of as bad is other people's favorite. I like this one... I give it an 8 as well!
Edited to say that I like the title best of all.
__________________
The capacity for passion is both cruel and divine. George Sand - 1834

Last edited by Aimee : 01-22-2004 at 10:17 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2004, 06:43 PM   #12
MrSeeker
MrSeeker's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 965
Joined: Jun 2003
Currently: Offline
Contact:  Send a message via AIM to MrSeeker
Thank you
__________________
My Myspace page Visit and add me!

Favorite bands,
As I Lay Dying
Demon Hunter
August Burns Red
Becoming The Archetype

Voices are hidden
Giving shame to my name
Am I no better forgiven
If I leave this world the same.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2004, 09:12 PM   #13
njcreedite
njcreedite's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 808
Joined: Jan 2003
Currently: Offline
I like the evil dark stuff better...but that's just me.
This was alright though...6
__________________
eddie vedder quote::
We were both singers. Chris Cornell The first time we played he came to this little club and he told me that it was really good and he was thankful that I was there and that I was who I was, or something really nice, but the whole time he was saying this, he didn't realize but he was standing under a black light, and his teeth were glowing and his eyes were glowing. I remember it as my first conversation with Satan ..."
Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2004, 02:07 AM   #14
MrSeeker
MrSeeker's Avatar
USER INFO »
Status: INK'ed
Posts: 965
Joined: Jun 2003
Currently: Offline
Contact:  Send a message via AIM to MrSeeker
Yea, I want to re-write the is to make it darker
__________________
My Myspace page Visit and add me!

Favorite bands,
As I Lay Dying
Demon Hunter
August Burns Red
Becoming The Archetype

Voices are hidden
Giving shame to my name
Am I no better forgiven
If I leave this world the same.
Reply With Quote
Post Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
what the hell??? rainfall Creed Talk 21 06-07-2004 08:02 PM
Why the hell is it? Jester Chat-O-Rama 16 03-27-2004 11:27 PM
Human Clay returns to New York!! njdrummer Creed Talk 13 01-29-2004 06:35 PM
Martin Luther King Jr. - Thank you souldancer Faith / Religion 6 01-26-2004 02:42 PM
This Is Funny as Hell DangerousDan85 Chat-O-Rama 33 01-07-2004 09:59 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:30 PM.

Powered by vBulletin Version 3.5.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2004 Steve Caponetto. All Rights Reserved.