For All You Pet Owners And Animal Lovers

Mulletman · 10-31-2003, 11:08 PM

Dear Dogs and Cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help,because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this.

Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible, I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.

I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest clothes, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

TeriB19 · 10-31-2003, 11:12 PM

LMAO, that is fantastic!!

Dogstar · 10-31-2003, 11:20 PM

Quote: The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

ROTFLMMFAO!!!

facelessman · 11-01-2003, 01:50 AM

haha nice

Sheila63 · 11-01-2003, 02:02 PM

LMAO!!

marlsy · 11-01-2003, 02:46 PM

very funny!

hotforscott · 11-01-2003, 04:07 PM

Too cute.

JulieCitySlicker · 11-01-2003, 04:50 PM

LMAO

SCOTTSMYMAN · 11-02-2003, 09:49 AM

I love it! :lol:

Siana · 11-02-2003, 04:50 PM

hahahha Al,that was great!

Blaize · 11-02-2003, 04:56 PM

lmao....That was so cute!!!!

GoodGodGirl23 · 11-04-2003, 04:44 PM

:P Oh Gawd!!! I wish I still had my Dewy Doggie!!

creedgirl99 · 11-04-2003, 05:40 PM

That was too funny!

10-31-2003, 11:08 PM	#1
Mulletman Forum Diplomat USER INFO » Status: Rising Sun Posts: 4,161 Joined: Sep 2002 Currently: Offline	Dear Dogs and Cats, When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible, I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door... Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest clothes, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results. __________________ Intellectial Giant (Social Outcast) Quote: (Originally Posted by JenRN) Maybe it's time for some Mullet magic! He can do his Hoffa thing again! Quote: (Originally Posted by Harvey) Women must adore you.

10-31-2003, 11:12 PM	#2
TeriB19 Forum Diplomat USER INFO » Status: Saving Grace Posts: 12,439 Joined: Sep 2002 Currently: Offline	LMAO, that is fantastic!! __________________ MK: We're never gonna have the Super Bowl of Scott Stapp vs. Myles Kennedy in a sing-off - it's ridiculous. SP: Actually, we are setting that up. MT: It was in your contract when you signed up with us.

10-31-2003, 11:20 PM	#3
Dogstar Forum Diplomat USER INFO » Status: Young Grown Old Posts: 21,345 Joined: Sep 2002 Currently: Offline	Quote: The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. ROTFLMMFAO!!! __________________ Silly monkeys give them thumbs they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

11-01-2003, 02:02 PM	#5
Sheila63 USER INFO » Status: Opened My Eyes Posts: 5,748 Joined: Dec 2002 Currently: Offline	LMAO!! __________________ I was selfish, but you still loved me You gave the greatest gift of all And you set me free Relearn Love

11-01-2003, 02:46 PM	#6
marlsy USER INFO » Status: Prophet Man Posts: 3,230 Joined: Oct 2002 Currently: Offline	very funny! __________________ ~Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent~

11-01-2003, 04:07 PM	#7
hotforscott USER INFO » Status: Shed My Skin Posts: 7,130 Joined: Apr 2003 Currently: Offline	Too cute. __________________ Got a new Papillon puppy named Ajax!

11-01-2003, 04:50 PM	#8
JulieCitySlicker USER INFO » Status: Taken Higher Posts: 15,310 Joined: Oct 2002 Currently: Offline	LMAO __________________ Oh I'm a wandering soul I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone All I know I still got mountains to climb on my own Enough To Let Me Go-Switchfoot

11-02-2003, 04:56 PM	#11
Blaize USER INFO » Status: Naked Toddler Posts: 215 Joined: Feb 2003 Currently: Offline	lmao....That was so cute!!!! __________________ Passion Breeds Followers!!

11-04-2003, 05:40 PM	#13
creedgirl99 USER INFO » Status: Freedom Fighter Posts: 2,377 Joined: Nov 2002 Currently: Offline	That was too funny! __________________ The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search

User Name		Remember Me?
Password