I'm not taking this anymore

Trimontana · 09-12-2005, 03:55 PM

About 3 weeks ago my father, who lives in Spain, and i had a telephone argument. He basicly started a nasty converstion about me being crazy for travelling so much and spend all my money. I told him that i'm a single woman and noone depends on me and i can spend my money in the best way i want. He then changed the subject of the convo about the past and when i was a child; he said he always has been a good father. I was freaking out how a person that made me suffer and my mom for years going out with another women and dont giving money to my mom for food so we could eat can say he was a good father. I was mad on him straight away and telling him i never could count on him and how he could be such a liar. Then he said what really hurted me; he said i never looked after my mom during her sickness. I screamed on him and started to go even more mad. I hunged up the phone and started to cry. I really didnt deserve that, i am always been alone with my mom and noone gave us a hand. My mom was the only support in my life and when i lost her i lost my best friend. Why my father makes me wanna feel bad or guilty for something that i am not. He even has another daugther younger than me born outside his marriage with my mom with another woman and now he wants to give her his surname.
Half an hour ago my dad called me again; we didnt talk since that day. he made the sme again. I tried to be cool and dont get emotional. He is so cruel; why?
I just wanna live relaxed, i wanna forget stuff of my past but he doesnt leave me alone. I told him he can really go with his other daughter, to be honnest i dont need him....i dont love my father. He never was there and now is too late.
Just wonder to myself why i cant be happy, why i cant be leaved alone when i dont hurt anyone else and i am being hurted all the time.
Just rock helps me in these moments and my few friends i know are there. But still hurts your father say to you that you are a bad daugther when i never had my father close to me to call him father.
Thanks guys for the understanding
Gabixxx

Anna1011 · 09-12-2005, 04:07 PM

its not right him doing that but perhaps he knows he was a bad father but doesnt want to believe it, hes trying to blame you for the things hes done because he is too ashamed to admit that it was really him that did wrong.

i dont know how much of what i said made sense or helped but thats just my outlook on it.
it doesnt make what hes doing right and i know it hurts but you might have to ride with this one and it may eventually blow over, dont take everything he says to heart, i know its hard but its what youve got to do.

you know we are all here for you if you need us

hotforscott · 09-12-2005, 04:11 PM

I am sorry you are going through this, and I understand your need to want to vent. I have never dealt with anything like that with my parents, but I have dealt with people who don't want to take responsibility for their actions, so they lash out on those who they feel look up to them, to take the focus off themselves. In your case, your dad thinks that he is "above" to you, because he is the dad, and you are the daughter, sometimes it's husband and wife, etc. etc., but what really hurts is that most of the time with parents there is a longing there for a good relationship, and as a child, you should have a good relationship with your dad, but he is preventing that, by acting immature, and probably feeling that if he doesn't "start an argument" then the truth is going to come out, and then what is he faced with, all the betrayal and deceit. He obviously isn't man enough to handle it yet, or give you the answers you need, but he is hurting you in the process. Write him a letter, even if you never send it, get it all out on paper, even if it takes 10 times to get it right, that will get what you want to say out of your system, then I would write down everything that he's done to hurt you, and everything good that you have done, and if he calls being irate again, tell him the facts (what you wrote down) and tell him that you've done your part, and you don't need his coward attitude, and that if he can't act like an adult, then he needs to call someone else. If worse comes to worse, and he is just a down right horrible person, and he constantly bugs you about your where abouts, then I would say, "Look, I am traveling all over, and finding myself, because I am a young adult, who can take care of myself, and I want to do these things, before I settle down, and get married. Seems like that's what you should've done, and maybe you would'nt have hurt our family the way that you did.................when you find yourself, and are ready to be honest, give me a call." Then I would leave it at that. It may be hard at first to deal with these things, but ask yourself, if you are hurting more with his little episodes, or can you hurt for a little while, and then begin to heal? Hope this helps. Email me if you ever need to talk.

Carrie

Trimontana · 09-12-2005, 04:25 PM

Wow Carrie thanks very much for your post. It helped me a lot, and i will write him that letter.
Anna thanks as well. You made sense really
To both thanks so much

I hope i can say soon i feel relieved cause i need peace in my life. And if my father doesnt help me for me is like i dont have a father anymore.

Anna1011 · 09-12-2005, 04:29 PM

ill do anything to help chick you shouldnt have to go through this.

hotforscott · 09-12-2005, 04:47 PM

No problem, I am glad it helped. Sorry if I seemed to confrontational, or bossy.

Dogstar · 09-12-2005, 06:58 PM

I think Carrie's dead-on about people not wanting to take responsibility for their actions, Gabi. I can sort of relate to your father-daughter situation. My real dad wasn't really there for me and my family when we were kids. My parents divorced when I was 9 and it was tough on all of us. We had a big blowout one day right before my sister's wedding and we had a similar argument and he tried to tell me all these bad things about my mother, which were total bullshit. Basically, 25 years of pent-up anger and frustration boiled over into that dispute and I finally told him it was unfair of him to take out his anger with my mom on the kids and to try to turn us against her, which didn't work anyway, because I could tell he was full of shit. I told him what went on between them wasn't our business and that he should have been man enough to stick his pride in his pocket and be a father for once. He hung up on me, but I felt tons better after standing up to him, which my sister wouldn't do, which is a whole other story. In any event, Carrie's advice about the letter is a good one. I wrote down everything after that argument, uncensored, and then I burned it, haha. It felt great! Once you accept the fact that he won't be the father you want/need, life gets a lot easier. We didn't speak until my sister had her first child. We both had bought new cars and we both arrived at the hospital at the same time and parked right next to each other. We couldn't believe we were right there and then we started laughing because it was so weird. We get along OK now, but there are no expectations, and that seems to work, at least for me.

JulieCitySlicker · 09-12-2005, 07:50 PM

Gabi,
I'm sorry that your dad hurt you so much by saying those things to you! *Hugs* I think that your dad knows that he wasn't there for you and your mother and instead of stepping up and admitting it,he is trying to put the blame on you and your mom just to make himself feel better,and that is not right at all! I think you should stop taking your dad's ohone calls for a while if he is just going to say hurtful and mean things to you,you don't need that! You deserve to take your trips because that is what makes you happy. We are here for you girl

creedsister · 09-12-2005, 10:13 PM

some people are like on your case all the time my precious gabs if probleam persist its better just to forget for a while and pray and then they will soon see the error of their ways

Trimontana · 09-13-2005, 05:57 AM

Thanks so much for you support girls and all the wonderful positive words.
I really feel very sick today, when i woke up this morning i was shaking and all hot. I have fever and i feel really tired. I am at work but i just wanna go bed and sleep. I cried a lot last nite and i really think i am sick cause all my father told me. I will go home earlier today. I'm not gonna talk to him for a while and i dont know when i will talk to him again...maybe thats the best way to be. Anyway, thanks again. I loce all of you and i dunno what i would do without you guys

PS. Kerri i already paid for my hotel room in NY to spend there New Years eve. This month i will book my flight too. I will be in Ny from the 26th Dec to 3rd of January...maybe we can meet if you are not too busy hun. Would be awesome tho.

Gabixxx

Muad'Dib · 09-13-2005, 09:45 AM

Sounds fucked up, I wouldnt even take his phone calls until he realises kind of person he is. Until then just fucking live life however hell you want, aint nothing to do with him.

Dogstar · 09-13-2005, 11:12 AM

Quote: (Originally Posted by Trimontana) Thanks so much for you support girls and all the wonderful positive words.
I really feel very sick today, when i woke up this morning i was shaking and all hot. I have fever and i feel really tired. I am at work but i just wanna go bed and sleep. I cried a lot last nite and i really think i am sick cause all my father told me. I will go home earlier today. I'm not gonna talk to him for a while and i dont know when i will talk to him again...maybe thats the best way to be. Anyway, thanks again. I loce all of you and i dunno what i would do without you guys

Awww, Gabi, I hope you feel better soon. Rest up, hon :hug:

Quote: PS. Kerri i already paid for my hotel room in NY to spend there New Years eve. This month i will book my flight too. I will be in Ny from the 26th Dec to 3rd of January...maybe we can meet if you are not too busy hun. Would be awesome tho.

Gabixxx

Very cool, Gabi. I would love to meet up with you. I likely will have Jan. 2 and 3 off, so I'm sure I could meet you in the city for the day!

JulieCitySlicker · 09-13-2005, 11:57 AM

I hope you feel better soon Gabi

Trimontana · 09-13-2005, 12:35 PM

Thanks Da Julie and Kerrie

. I am on bed and feeling aweful. I have a very strong headache. Mila bought me some Peanut Butter Chocolate Cups to make me happy..at least some sweetness for today.
I am gonna try to rest for the rest of the evening.

Kerri...i hope you can meet me in NY. Love ya xxx

JulieCitySlicker · 09-15-2005, 06:40 PM

Aww! You and Kerri are going to meet in NY? Can I come to

09-12-2005, 03:55 PM	#1
Trimontana USER INFO » Status: Bound and Tied Posts: 2,145 Joined: Oct 2004 Currently: Offline	I'm not taking this anymore About 3 weeks ago my father, who lives in Spain, and i had a telephone argument. He basicly started a nasty converstion about me being crazy for travelling so much and spend all my money. I told him that i'm a single woman and noone depends on me and i can spend my money in the best way i want. He then changed the subject of the convo about the past and when i was a child; he said he always has been a good father. I was freaking out how a person that made me suffer and my mom for years going out with another women and dont giving money to my mom for food so we could eat can say he was a good father. I was mad on him straight away and telling him i never could count on him and how he could be such a liar. Then he said what really hurted me; he said i never looked after my mom during her sickness. I screamed on him and started to go even more mad. I hunged up the phone and started to cry. I really didnt deserve that, i am always been alone with my mom and noone gave us a hand. My mom was the only support in my life and when i lost her i lost my best friend. Why my father makes me wanna feel bad or guilty for something that i am not. He even has another daugther younger than me born outside his marriage with my mom with another woman and now he wants to give her his surname. Half an hour ago my dad called me again; we didnt talk since that day. he made the sme again. I tried to be cool and dont get emotional. He is so cruel; why? I just wanna live relaxed, i wanna forget stuff of my past but he doesnt leave me alone. I told him he can really go with his other daughter, to be honnest i dont need him....i dont love my father. He never was there and now is too late. Just wonder to myself why i cant be happy, why i cant be leaved alone when i dont hurt anyone else and i am being hurted all the time. Just rock helps me in these moments and my few friends i know are there. But still hurts your father say to you that you are a bad daugther when i never had my father close to me to call him father. Thanks guys for the understanding Gabixxx __________________ Papa Roach's Tobin Esperance: "If you're gonna wear makeup, it's not about looking pretty. It's gotta look like you've been up all night doing drugs."

09-12-2005, 04:11 PM	#3
hotforscott USER INFO » Status: Shed My Skin Posts: 7,130 Joined: Apr 2003 Currently: Offline	I am sorry you are going through this, and I understand your need to want to vent. I have never dealt with anything like that with my parents, but I have dealt with people who don't want to take responsibility for their actions, so they lash out on those who they feel look up to them, to take the focus off themselves. In your case, your dad thinks that he is "above" to you, because he is the dad, and you are the daughter, sometimes it's husband and wife, etc. etc., but what really hurts is that most of the time with parents there is a longing there for a good relationship, and as a child, you should have a good relationship with your dad, but he is preventing that, by acting immature, and probably feeling that if he doesn't "start an argument" then the truth is going to come out, and then what is he faced with, all the betrayal and deceit. He obviously isn't man enough to handle it yet, or give you the answers you need, but he is hurting you in the process. Write him a letter, even if you never send it, get it all out on paper, even if it takes 10 times to get it right, that will get what you want to say out of your system, then I would write down everything that he's done to hurt you, and everything good that you have done, and if he calls being irate again, tell him the facts (what you wrote down) and tell him that you've done your part, and you don't need his coward attitude, and that if he can't act like an adult, then he needs to call someone else. If worse comes to worse, and he is just a down right horrible person, and he constantly bugs you about your where abouts, then I would say, "Look, I am traveling all over, and finding myself, because I am a young adult, who can take care of myself, and I want to do these things, before I settle down, and get married. Seems like that's what you should've done, and maybe you would'nt have hurt our family the way that you did.................when you find yourself, and are ready to be honest, give me a call." Then I would leave it at that. It may be hard at first to deal with these things, but ask yourself, if you are hurting more with his little episodes, or can you hurt for a little while, and then begin to heal? Hope this helps. Email me if you ever need to talk. Carrie __________________ Got a new Papillon puppy named Ajax!

09-12-2005, 04:25 PM	#4
Trimontana USER INFO » Status: Bound and Tied Posts: 2,145 Joined: Oct 2004 Currently: Offline	Wow Carrie thanks very much for your post. It helped me a lot, and i will write him that letter. Anna thanks as well. You made sense really To both thanks so much I hope i can say soon i feel relieved cause i need peace in my life. And if my father doesnt help me for me is like i dont have a father anymore. __________________ Papa Roach's Tobin Esperance: "If you're gonna wear makeup, it's not about looking pretty. It's gotta look like you've been up all night doing drugs."

09-12-2005, 04:47 PM	#6
hotforscott USER INFO » Status: Shed My Skin Posts: 7,130 Joined: Apr 2003 Currently: Offline	No problem, I am glad it helped. Sorry if I seemed to confrontational, or bossy. __________________ Got a new Papillon puppy named Ajax!

09-12-2005, 06:58 PM	#7
Dogstar Forum Diplomat USER INFO » Status: Young Grown Old Posts: 21,345 Joined: Sep 2002 Currently: Offline	I think Carrie's dead-on about people not wanting to take responsibility for their actions, Gabi. I can sort of relate to your father-daughter situation. My real dad wasn't really there for me and my family when we were kids. My parents divorced when I was 9 and it was tough on all of us. We had a big blowout one day right before my sister's wedding and we had a similar argument and he tried to tell me all these bad things about my mother, which were total bullshit. Basically, 25 years of pent-up anger and frustration boiled over into that dispute and I finally told him it was unfair of him to take out his anger with my mom on the kids and to try to turn us against her, which didn't work anyway, because I could tell he was full of shit. I told him what went on between them wasn't our business and that he should have been man enough to stick his pride in his pocket and be a father for once. He hung up on me, but I felt tons better after standing up to him, which my sister wouldn't do, which is a whole other story. In any event, Carrie's advice about the letter is a good one. I wrote down everything after that argument, uncensored, and then I burned it, haha. It felt great! Once you accept the fact that he won't be the father you want/need, life gets a lot easier. We didn't speak until my sister had her first child. We both had bought new cars and we both arrived at the hospital at the same time and parked right next to each other. We couldn't believe we were right there and then we started laughing because it was so weird. We get along OK now, but there are no expectations, and that seems to work, at least for me. __________________ Silly monkeys give them thumbs they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

09-12-2005, 07:50 PM	#8
JulieCitySlicker USER INFO » Status: Taken Higher Posts: 15,310 Joined: Oct 2002 Currently: Offline	Gabi, I'm sorry that your dad hurt you so much by saying those things to you! Hugs I think that your dad knows that he wasn't there for you and your mother and instead of stepping up and admitting it,he is trying to put the blame on you and your mom just to make himself feel better,and that is not right at all! I think you should stop taking your dad's ohone calls for a while if he is just going to say hurtful and mean things to you,you don't need that! You deserve to take your trips because that is what makes you happy. We are here for you girl __________________ Oh I'm a wandering soul I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone All I know I still got mountains to climb on my own Enough To Let Me Go-Switchfoot

09-12-2005, 10:13 PM	#9
creedsister USER INFO » Status: Tree of Wisdom Posts: 8,290 Joined: Oct 2003 Currently: Offline	some people are like on your case all the time my precious gabs if probleam persist its better just to forget for a while and pray and then they will soon see the error of their ways __________________ Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything

09-13-2005, 05:57 AM	#10
Trimontana USER INFO » Status: Bound and Tied Posts: 2,145 Joined: Oct 2004 Currently: Offline	Thanks so much for you support girls and all the wonderful positive words. I really feel very sick today, when i woke up this morning i was shaking and all hot. I have fever and i feel really tired. I am at work but i just wanna go bed and sleep. I cried a lot last nite and i really think i am sick cause all my father told me. I will go home earlier today. I'm not gonna talk to him for a while and i dont know when i will talk to him again...maybe thats the best way to be. Anyway, thanks again. I loce all of you and i dunno what i would do without you guys PS. Kerri i already paid for my hotel room in NY to spend there New Years eve. This month i will book my flight too. I will be in Ny from the 26th Dec to 3rd of January...maybe we can meet if you are not too busy hun. Would be awesome tho. Gabixxx __________________ Papa Roach's Tobin Esperance: "If you're gonna wear makeup, it's not about looking pretty. It's gotta look like you've been up all night doing drugs."

09-13-2005, 09:45 AM	#11
Muad'Dib USER INFO » Status: INK'ed Posts: 748 Joined: Jan 2003 Currently: Offline	Sounds fucked up, I wouldnt even take his phone calls until he realises kind of person he is. Until then just fucking live life however hell you want, aint nothing to do with him. __________________ I was watching this monkey, this monkey watching me Then I needed a friend, or some company Coz some days I just can’t flick the switch Some days my skin just isn’t so thick

09-13-2005, 11:12 AM	#12
Dogstar Forum Diplomat USER INFO » Status: Young Grown Old Posts: 21,345 Joined: Sep 2002 Currently: Offline	Quote: (Originally Posted by Trimontana) Thanks so much for you support girls and all the wonderful positive words. I really feel very sick today, when i woke up this morning i was shaking and all hot. I have fever and i feel really tired. I am at work but i just wanna go bed and sleep. I cried a lot last nite and i really think i am sick cause all my father told me. I will go home earlier today. I'm not gonna talk to him for a while and i dont know when i will talk to him again...maybe thats the best way to be. Anyway, thanks again. I loce all of you and i dunno what i would do without you guys Awww, Gabi, I hope you feel better soon. Rest up, hon :hug: Quote: PS. Kerri i already paid for my hotel room in NY to spend there New Years eve. This month i will book my flight too. I will be in Ny from the 26th Dec to 3rd of January...maybe we can meet if you are not too busy hun. Would be awesome tho. Gabixxx Very cool, Gabi. I would love to meet up with you. I likely will have Jan. 2 and 3 off, so I'm sure I could meet you in the city for the day! __________________ Silly monkeys give them thumbs they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

09-13-2005, 11:57 AM	#13
JulieCitySlicker USER INFO » Status: Taken Higher Posts: 15,310 Joined: Oct 2002 Currently: Offline	I hope you feel better soon Gabi __________________ Oh I'm a wandering soul I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone All I know I still got mountains to climb on my own Enough To Let Me Go-Switchfoot

09-13-2005, 12:35 PM	#14
Trimontana USER INFO » Status: Bound and Tied Posts: 2,145 Joined: Oct 2004 Currently: Offline	Thanks Da Julie and Kerrie . I am on bed and feeling aweful. I have a very strong headache. Mila bought me some Peanut Butter Chocolate Cups to make me happy..at least some sweetness for today. I am gonna try to rest for the rest of the evening. Kerri...i hope you can meet me in NY. Love ya xxx __________________ Papa Roach's Tobin Esperance: "If you're gonna wear makeup, it's not about looking pretty. It's gotta look like you've been up all night doing drugs."

09-15-2005, 06:40 PM	#15
JulieCitySlicker USER INFO » Status: Taken Higher Posts: 15,310 Joined: Oct 2002 Currently: Offline	Aww! You and Kerri are going to meet in NY? Can I come to __________________ Oh I'm a wandering soul I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone All I know I still got mountains to climb on my own Enough To Let Me Go-Switchfoot

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search

User Name		Remember Me?
Password