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01-16-2005, 11:54 PM | #1 |
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Funny (real!) Newspaper Headlines
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope 11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again 13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands 14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms 15. Eye Drops off Shelf 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim 19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax 21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told 22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death 23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree 25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies 26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter 27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years 28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One 29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84 30. War Dims Hope for Peace 31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge 35. Deer Kill 17,000 36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge 38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy 42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire 43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply 44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood 45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees 46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies 48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing 49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing 50. Air Head Fired 51. Steals Clock, Faces Time 52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff 53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumn 54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board 55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction 57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training 58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies H-D
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01-17-2005, 04:14 AM | #2 |
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ah, seen 'em before, quite hilarious. on a related note, last semester, we were watching the news down here in Springfield MO on KYKY-NBC, channel 3. they go to commercial, but before showing the ads, they had this little segment for fun activities for children called:
KY for Kids we, almost immediately, looked up the site, but couldn't find a link to the KY for Kids stuff. they wouldn't email us info, either. had we come across anything, i'm almost positive that shit woulda made it onto Leno.
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01-17-2005, 05:50 AM | #3 |
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Very funny stuff, Colin! Thanks for sharing.
By the way, Headlines is one of my favorite segments on Leno. 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax 26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter 55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction Still laughing at these.
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01-17-2005, 05:55 AM | #4 |
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57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
LOL, too bad
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01-17-2005, 08:27 AM | #5 |
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I'll have to come back to these when I have more time
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01-17-2005, 07:33 PM | #6 |
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man that was long,
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01-17-2005, 07:34 PM | #7 |
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I hear Ya
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Hush child I,ll tell you why you have Loved Me when you were weak you have given me unselfishly Kept you From Falling Falling everywhere But Your Kness you set me free to live my life you become my Reason To Survive The Great Divide you Set Me Free Ooh Our Love Is Beautiful Ooh isn,t This Beautiful Child It Seems You Have Been My Everything |
01-18-2005, 01:22 AM | #8 |
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I kid you not, a few weeks ago in the Wichita Falls newspaper, there was a headline that read:
"Police Finger Man Suspected of Identity Theft" |
01-18-2005, 07:06 AM | #9 |
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hehe amusing
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