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Old 09-08-2005, 09:26 AM   #1
aussiecreeder
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Michael's guide to Australia

okay i've kindly prepared this handy little travel guide for anyone wanting to visit these fair shores.

2,967,894 square miles (7,686,645 sq. km)
which i believe is slightly smaller than the U.S mainland
population of approx. 20 million people
capital is canberra which i can tell you is the most boring place on earth. it was actually built because sydney and melbourne kept disputing who should be the capital so neither got to be the capital (after melbourne was briefly the capital).
every single household in australia has a kangaroo in the backyard and we all eat koalas. the kangaroo got its name after the english settlers asked some locals what this hopping animal was called. they replied "Kanguru" which means " i don't know".
western australia is a simply massive territory, about the same size as western europe. makes texas look small! it is one of six states and two territories which don't have full state rights.
any person coming from overseas who has the slightest interest in australia may become an australian against their wishes. examples of this are kim clisters the belgian tennis player who automatically became australian after starting to date aussie tennis player lleyton hewitt. as soon as they broke off we forgot her. also mel gibson is an aussie even though he was raised in the united states. russell crowe is also an aussie even though he was born in new zealand.
a "sheila" is a woman and a "drongo" is a dickhead or somebody who isn't very smart although i'll be honest and say no-one actually says drongo or sheila.
all australians do nothing all day but drink fosters and check out sheilas at the beach. we have a public holiday for a horse race which no-one cares about.
you can kick a local marsupil a wombat up the ass and it won't hurt the animal in the slightest. if you run over these things while driving you will destroy your car.
if you say football we automatically think you are talking about our local code of football. football is known as soccer which as all aussies know is a pansies game.
all people born into the state of tasmania (little island down the bottom) are born with two heads.
most people all around the country have a very similar accent although there is a different accent in queensland i found.
most aussies see no use in the british royal family yet for some reason we are still part of the commonwealth.
although we are seen as lazy buggers (which are we are lol) australia actually has one of the strongest economies in the developed world.
our prime minster is a little fat man who has a big monobrow and all australians are sure has had intimate relations with geoge dubya bush. how else do you explain george's nickname for him..."the man of steel?"
it is a proven fact that australia has the hottest girls on the earth.
australians love beer so much that we put it in our cereal.
many australians can tell stories of riding on the back of kangaroos to get to school.
australia's national anthem is "you shook me all night long" from the greatest aussie band of them all...ACDC!
although many think australians all live on farms this is actually not the case. most australians live in big cities with about 4 million living in sydney and about 3.5 in melbourne.
melbourne consistently comes out on top in those "most livable cities" surveys. we may have great sporting facilites and great restaurants but its a little cold here at times.
australia due to its quite warm climate ( i am contradicting the above post here aren't i? LOL) means it has the highest rate of skin cancer in the world. the weather is very different depending on where you are because of the sheer size of the country. tasmania i imagine is fairly similar to the climate found in new zealand. a bit more cloudy and during summer it would be a warm day if it reached the early 20's. meanwhile up in darwin in summer it will hit the 40's regulary. sub-topical areas like brisbane have an average summer temp of 25 degrees celcius.
australia is the smallest continent on earth and is the only country to have a continent all to itself. after antartica it is the driest continent on earth and is very flat for the most part. the highest point Mt. Kosciusko: 7310 feet / 2228 meters which makes it by far the smallest "highest" point of any region.
the australian diet consists purely of barbecued meat and fosters beer. australians do not eat vegetables or fruit.
australia was first settled by the australian aborgines who are believed to have come down from indonesia or some other part of south-east asia. it was colonised by the british in 1788 and became a nation in its own right in 1901. people from all over the world now call the nation home and is certainly a very multicultural nation. the national football code is believed to have its roots from the aborignal game of "mangrook", rugby and gaelic football.
here in australia we drive on the left-hand side of the road.
much of australia's early settlers were convicts who were sent over by the british to live and work here as punishment. if you come to an australian airport carefully watch your luggage as there are still many convicts just waiting to steal your goods and sell them on ebay.
drop bears are an evil species of koala who have evolved specifically to prey on american tourists.
yowies are a strange ape like creature which have being sighted but never confirmed. legend has it the yowie is actually an english cricket captain who went mad after losing to the aussies again.
australia was founded by convicts and has a murder rate of 1.8 per 100,000. the U.S was founded by christians and diests and yet has a murder rate of 6.3 per 100,000. work that one out.......
although australia only has 1% of the world's population it has 20% of the poker machines in existence.
because most of the country is desert there are only an average of 6 people per square mile.
although 15% of GDP is derived from mining there is more space devoted to australia's favourite pastime.....drinking beer.
australia's illegal cannabis industry is believed to be twice that of its legal wine industry.
australians per capita are the biggest gamblers in the world.
australia was the second country in the world to allow women the vote.
there are twice as many kangaroos in australia than people.....

so there you have it...aussie's guide to australian survivial
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Old 09-08-2005, 09:32 AM   #2
Muad'Dib
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:d:d:d
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Old 09-08-2005, 01:21 PM   #3
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LMAO. You crack me up. I enjoyed reading that.
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Old 09-08-2005, 04:58 PM   #4
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haha i actually read it all, that was good aussie
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*I sing it while*

*I feel I canít hold on*

*I sing tonight*

*cause it comforts me*

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Old 09-08-2005, 07:55 PM   #5
aussiecreeder
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glad you guys enjoyed it! and yes it was a little long......
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She never told a lie,
Well, might of told a lie.
But never lived one.
Didnít have a life.
Didnít have a life.
But surely saved one.
Alright, now itís time for us to let you go.

Tool
Wings for Marie
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