okay here is where i pretend to be jerry seinfeld....
some jokes will be clean, most will be dirty and some will downright make you blush....lol.
The story takes place in a Christian school. The teacher asks
the question, "What part of your body gets to heaven first?"
Three students raise their hand, Jenny, Jim, and little Johnny
in the back. The teacher thinks to herself, "I dont want to
call on Johnny cause he will say something bad."
So she picks on Jenny first who says, "I think your head gets
to heaven first cause you have to be smart."
The teacher then calls on Jim who says, "I think your heart
gets to heaven first cause you gotta have a good heart."
Finally Johnny is the only one with his hand up. The teacher
says to herself "Oh no, I gotta pick Johnny." She picks him and
he says, "I think your feet get to heaven first."
The relieved teacher asks him, "Why on earth do you think your
feet get to heaven first?"
Johnny says, "Cause I walked into my Mom and Dad's room last
night and my mom's feet were straight up in the air and she was
shouting 'Oh God I'm cummin'!'"
Why do women have boobs?
So men have something to look at while talking to them.
Confucius Say...
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in
hand.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.
Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.
Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
He who run behind bus get exhausted.
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.
Man who puts dick in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts.