[Sincirr]

And even if He takes His time doing it, Julie, it is worth the wait, and even more special and precious.

I have something important to share, but U will need to do some reading. I promise that it is worth reading though, so please go ahead.

I must say that I have had such an issue with God for a long time now. Over the last few years since I started studying music again, I have had a chronic fatigue problem for a couple of months, chronic back pain, have had an injury in my finger that made me have to stop playing piano, years ago I had the same thing for guitar, but with a different finger, now I cant sing, havent been able to sing for around 9 months due to something wrong. I have even sung on TV so its pretty full on devistating that I am currently unable to sing. Because of this injury to my voice, it has pushed me over the edge and I am now on my most hated substance, anti-depressants, so I was feeling so abandoned by God, but I know that I know He exists, so I keep going!

Finally today, I came home and was able to pour out my heart as to what has been going on inside me for years. I was in hysterical tears as I voiced my confusion with the whole music thing, and that I just wanted God to tell me if He still wanted me to pursue a musical career, cos if He did tell me He wanted me to, I would keep going, regardless of injuries and chronic fatigue, backpain, depression, whatever! I just wanted to quit so bad. Had no idea what to do in life, where to go, what I was gonna be doing. I felt so confused and useless to God.

Amazingly, God speaks to me through clouds in a big way. The first time I ever felt intense love for God, I was looking at clouds, and I fell in Love with Jesus right then. Today, in the middle of winter, a huge cloud formation occured, almost turning into a full on storm! I was amazed as I watched it build and pass over me.

Then I got online and looked at my email. This is after I had my huge cry and saw the clouds. I recieved an email from someone in my church. I will include a few lines from the email so that you yourself, can take note of the AWESOMENESS AND MAJESTY OF GOD!

8/8/04

Quote:

Hey Donna,

When we were praying for you this morning, had a picture of a traditional Japanese woman’s feet taking small steps (bizarre I know).

[Had a picture means sorta like when U get an image in your imagination, but his imagination didnt birth this picture, it was actually birthed by God, anyway, to the next email]

8/10/04

Quote:

Felt like God gave me some more of the picture I had for you the other
day. This time of being held back, of being forced to take tiny steps,
is absolutely critical to all He has for your life. Do not mistake it
for a time of inactivity, a time of being abandoned by God. God is
intensely at work in you right now, refining you by fire in order to
burn away anything that is not of Him, so that you will be a true and
pure instrument in His hands, with perfect pitch, and resonating with
His music, not your own...

Quote:

...I was reading the following from My Utmost for His Highest the other
day, and I think God meant it for you.
------------------------
Do You See Jesus in Your Clouds?

"Behold, He is coming with clouds ..."
Rev 1:7

In the Bible clouds are always associated with God. Clouds are the
sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances, within or without
our personal lives, which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of
God. Yet it is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is
teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were never any clouds in our
lives, we would have no faith. "The clouds are the dust of His feet" (Na
1:3). They are a sign that God is there.

Quote:

...Know that even though you can't feel or hear Him right now, He has never left you, and never will. His arms form a hedge of protection around you
that only allows through what He knows you need. His eyes search out the
future to prepare the way He has planned for you. His heart beats
fiercely for His daughter whom He loves, for He is immensely proud of
you even now. He has placed in you an instrument of profound beauty,
capable of music so exquisite that people will weep as they feel the
Father's heart expressed through it. Trust him - he is the potter, we are the clay..

So I am pretty blown away that God would do this for me. I hope that sharing this will encourage some of you that God still cares and that also He has never left you, even if U feel that U R scum and dont deserve Him to speak to you, He desires to.

Bless U 4 reading all this.
D