Ok, since I partially understand what the hell goes on in High School, I'll post a bit here. I'm 15-16 next month and yeah, I understand the bully thing well. I've been bullied most of my life b/c my family is not the richest out there and we strive to get things done while still havin' a good time w/ life...livin' on a farm can be worse w/ the stress of what the animals and crops can bring, + what goes on in school. I fight it though, here lemme go to like how I used to be and how I am now
I punched a kid 3 grades above me in third grade for just annoyin' me on the bus when I was doin' homework. In fourth grade I beat up a kid in my class when I had a student teacher b/c he was annoying me, hurt my friend's feelings, and b/c I was a big bully in some sorts then too, got an F in math and didn't care. Fifth grade-no classes w/ the bad friends I made, quieted somewhat, but still had a bad temper...even got to be friends w/ my very good nice partially blind bestfriend again--did continue to be somewhat careless about school-kicked the same kid I did in fourth grade again and this time got away w/ it b/c the teacher agreed he was bein' an arse. Six grade-average year, average ppl I hung around, quiet yet, so-so grades. 7th grade-hard time adapting to Jr. High, lived w/ it till the ned of the year, got really good grades, made a quiet repuatation while still havin' some friends, continued to be partially made fun of...bad year though b/c I like previous years got made fun of on the bus, went thru w/ good grades, but got very noddheaded and very very ragey, prob. cuz I watched a lot of wrestlin' then...I WANTED to fight and I WAS desperate, I had NO control. This kid on my bus wouldn't shut his trap and like one of the last days of school, I swore at him that when he got to the JR.High, he'd pay, or somethin' like that, ...I was about to punch him, it was before school, way from any adult supervision, my only savior was my friend who was there, she pulled me away, i asked her too and I thank God she did today b/c I coulda been expelled or somethin' for a fight, for interrupting bus plans, I had NO control...so 8th grade the kid did have school one grade below me, the year went so-so, I'd see him and ignore him, over the summer I joined martial arts for bad reasons--wanted to fight--wanted to kill maybe even, that's why I joined, and I joined in a bad place too, it was in Owatonna under this punk dude who had very few morals and eventually...I just found out...would abuse his wife, so anyway that year was fine, Ninth grade was ok b/c I got good grades like the previous 3 years and I was alright to the adaption of High School, a lot of Homework and books, but I was beginnin' to control it--
what happened? It was April, a tournament in 2001-my breaking point--I was a sore looser for sparring--offically allowed to fight and beat up ppl--I lost to some taller very talented girl-wah-wah, well, I was a big fussed up buff about it and after a long time of sitting and thinking...I began to regret it...God left me earlier when I quite church school from the stress my family gave me about bein' Catholic, but somethin' sparked there. I went back to the girl and her sister, both had won diffn't. divisons and I said sorry, shook their hands, and said congratulations...the weight was lifted, so powerful it was...my grandma had died in January of that year...I think she began her spark b/c it was her who told me about martial arts and life-Go to yer limits and do the best you can...I did that day...I said sorry(I think) and congratulated them...well, it wasn't over, coming around the end of ninth grade I had started goin' to punk martial arts in a dif. town for travlelin' reasons...same teacher...but I got sick of it b/c I couldn't actually fight and I began to realize it, I began to realize I needed work...so around Thanksgiving I began searching for answers...
Put it this way, I found another whole new martial arts school and now can fight pretty good. This school enforces Christianity and is truly home...yet again I believe my grandma helped me as w/o her I wouldn't of searched and wouldn't have found. I found God on that day of the tournament and I thank her tons. I still go through shit of bein' made fun of, did pretty bad this year even...my mom got a new job and had to take bus home, the kid I got furious at has a lil' bro who picked up on his ways, the kid himself has kept to himself pretty well on me b/s a few annoying words that are worth ignoring. I've fought them though spiritually instead of w/ rage, inside, knowing that Satan causes all this pain and Earth could possibly actually be a heaven if there was no Satan. Yes, shit happens and gotta leave w/ it and go on, I do w/ faith in the higher power I believe in, many others on here have found their way and I thank them for helping in this situation. Hopefully one day I can help by being a social worker. I still get very depressed at times, like over the summer it was bad b/c of some boy stuff (
) ...but I know who my friends are now and put myself to helpin' them more than worryin' about myself. Life is only a century at that and yes, it is worth living. I have great friends and an awesome family (my mom, sister, and even dad have all done things for me) in real life and now this board. Thanks everyone for what you've done here for this lost soul and what you've done for those who've read it. Peace,
