Ok, I'm going to take a huge step here and say something I really haven't talked about much. I did it when I was 18 or 19. I was going through post-tramatic stress symdrome and didn't have any idea why I was doing it or that I was really trying to get rid of the stress I had suffered from a date rape. I was in denial, but the pain I felt inside and anxiousness due to self-blame, somehow if I felt pain on the outside, it wasn't there on the inside. I was actually suicidal from it and went to the hospital for a while and seen this happening on another patient; unfortunately for me, it showed me how to deal with pain at that time. I stopped doing it shortly after I started. I had never heard of the actual disease or seen anything on TV about it, just seen this girl at the hospital. It seemed to help at the time. Years later, I got counseling and then realized that I had suffered from the rape and was in denial at that age.
Can't believe I wrote this here. I've never told anyone about it since the girl that I lived with at the time.
I'm not a freak BTW. It was a stage of my life I suffered through but am fine now. So, it's not just freaks, obsessive-compulsive people. I'm not proud of it by any means. And I'm not asking for sympathy or apologies here. Just wanted to clarify some things. The only freak I am now...is a Creedfreak
