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"Protect Israel & protect yourself. " made me feel depressed.
But it's good to feel this way and contemplate suicide. Each day the darkness I see and hear helps me to hate this world and flee from it. There's no way back for me, my life in this world I kill to take it again in the kingdom.
The kingdom of God is within me, and I protect it to protect myself.
No one really cares about me but God. Faith is what will save me.
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