It was written well. But most of the lines were taken directly from creed songs. I know you don't have a problem with that. But originality will help you explain what you're trying to say better. Those words will be truer to your heart and be yours, not creeds. Originality is the readers key to your soul.
Im not saying my stuff is 100% original. A lot of my work is inspired by various lyricists. But I've written enough to put an original spin on it, to make it my own. A lot of my earlier works were inspired by creed also.
I'd say keep at it. Try to use different lines/words to express yourself maybe. Practice. I hope you dont get angry at my post, just trying to help
