I PM'd this to you Kim but I'm going to let everyone know, as it may help. When I was in High School, one of my very close friends was having some problems and she felt very uncomfortable speaking with her parents about things. However, she felt very comfortable with my mother and started confiding in her instead. My mom was warm and very caring and concerned and was of great help to my friend. If you can't talk to your parents, talk to someone else you are comfortable with. Don't keep it inside.

Kim I'm soo glad you have decided to keep talking to us! Just know that it will pass. You hear all of us have been through similar situations and managed to survive. It's hard I know but I have faith in you that you will! Please keep hanging in there. You're family here at Creedfeed will never let you down! :hugs:

excuse me?

GEEK 2004 - regarding your comment about sending someone to find you ----

Unfortunately, I can't really act in a professional capacity in a forum like this. If you had told me this in person and I knew you, I would be ethically and legally obligated to try to get you in a safe place. Here, though, all I can do is pray for you as a friend, and tell you what I think you need to know. I can tell you that there are people on this board who wanted to try to find ways to find you if it it became clear that you were going to attempt to hurt yourself. I only tell you that so that you can see that people care about you - even though we don't "know" you - the world is a very big place and there are so many more friendly caring people than the cowards who bully you at school. Dont' forget that. I felt HS for the most part was miserable but college/after high school ROCKED. When I was in HS I was shy and kind on the outskirts. In college, I obtained a job in the residence halls and promoted as high as one can go, I was on homecoming court, I was elected all school vice president (in a univeristy of 6,000 people), had a paid grad assitantship that allowed me to go to graduate school for free, and I made the most amazing friends in the world. I have friends who didn't go to college and the same things happened in their life. Even though it may seem that others in your school are happy and confident, they have insecurities and worries too. That is probably what is behind their bullying! Just hang in there and believe that things do and will change.

Listening to Creed can help so much. Do you have a video of the creed behind the music from VH1? When I listen to stapp's history it just amazes me. He once felt like you and look at him now - on top of the world.

My last piece of rambling here - remember that the only thing you really can control in this life is yourself. Be aware of your feelings and behaviors and try to be the best you you can be. Don't compare yourself to others and such. Decide what you like and don't like in life and live true to yourself. Only then can you really be happy. There will always be someone who disagrees with you or makes different choices. There is no one right answer. Be the best that you can be.

Kim, everyone has given you some wonderful advice. I shared some of my story here with everyone last night to show that there is hope, to help you realize that you're not alone and life does get better. I know how much you love music. Let that music help you. You know from the letter that I shared with you a few months ago how much Creed's words and music have helped me in my life the last few years. I will be around this weekend so please feel free to pm me, email me or use AIM to reach me, okay. We care about you and we've got your back.:hugs:

if any one who whishes to IM me ....i`m online now...

Kim, I'm at work so I don't have access to AIM but I'll send you a pm, okay?

G2004, I can't IM you at this time, laugh if you will, but I will have to have my son show me how.

All the caring that has been going on in this thread is one of the most wonderful experiences that I have seen in a very long time. You are never alone here, and many here have opened their hearts to you. Don't ever forget that each of us makes a difference in this world, and you are touching peoples hearts, and they are responding because of your honesty.

The kindness of strangers is very special. You have awakened this in us.

Someday you can pass on your love and kindness to a stranger, in return.

If you are still on now let me know how you are doing.

Kim, I just want you to know I know how you feel. I was depressed as a teenager and also used to cry myself to sleep many nights. I never thought I would be happy.

I'm here to tell you that when things seem their worst and nothing ever seems that it will be ok, you get through it by just going minute by minute, day by day. I never got the help I needed either because I really didn't want to burden my Mom, she was a single mother and worked alot to make ends meet. I really wish I would of asked for help though, As a mother that i am now, I would be heartbroken if I knew my child was in so much pain and they didn't come to me. I think you may be surprised by your Mom if you sit her down and talk to her about how you feel, if not her then someone else you feel comfortable with.

I am also here to tell you , things after High School get way way better!!!!! I met my husband, got married, had 3 kids and never ever thought I could be this happy. I'm not saying it cured my depression, because it didn't, I sought help as an adult and am now on medication for my depression and I can't tell you how much it helps!!! I am happy and not stressed and sad all the time like I used to be. I can't tell you enough times that you need to seek professional help. Please Please take our advice of those who have been how you are feeling now and confide in someone close to you. It's sooo important. What you are feeling now will pass I promise, it's not worth throwing your precious gift of life away. Think about how it would hurt your family and friends to know that you were in that much pain and you never shared with them, please please reach out. I will be praying for you......

I have dealt with (depression) for about 3 1/2 --4 years now...I never really got any help. I just simply left all the thoughts all botteled up inside...I've tried many times to TRY at least, to talk to my mom...But I just couldnt tell her anything....

i never taken anything for it (depression...)

Geek_2004, please find someone you can confide in. I know it seem hopeless now, but it's not. I wish to God my brother had because maybe he'd still be with us.

G2004. please talk to your Mom, but if you can't, you could always show her this thread, and she could read your feelings, and the love and compassion that is being given to you here. You would never have to say a word to start out the conversation.

Let her read how you feel. She will then be able to understand and help you.

well..it looks like I wont be talkin to anyone on AIM while i`m in class anymore....

I went to a mostly black/hispanic school growing up. I was the only white girl on the dance team, and a lot of people thought that I shouldn't be there. Once a group of girls from another school actually threw soda cans at me and told me to go home. Then another time, I came home with gum in my hair. There was also a girl on my team who hated me for no real good reason and every time I saw her in the hallway, she would say stuff like "I hate that redhead b****h" and that she was going to kick my a**. Of course, she never did anything about her threats, but it didn't help me to be bullied like that when I had enough problems at home. The only thing that helped me was whenever any of this stuff happened to me, I would say to myself "In twenty years who's gonna care?" over and over again. Well, guess what? She became a crack-addicted momma and I am a well-adjusted and passionate woman. Try to keep this in mind. Kids can be cruel for no reason.

Gosh Aimee :(
Its sad how mean kids can be! I had a few people that I went to school with hate me for no reason to :wtf: Had a girl threaten to kick my ass to but of course like your situation, never did :cool: Ah! All talk no action kinda thing I guess :D

That really sucks, Aimee. But there's a good point in what you just said, usually bullies who say they are going to "beat you up" or "kick your ass" Are just threatning you, and don't even do anything, they are just trying to scare you. I'm not saying that every bully is like that, that is defenitly not the case, but more times than not they don't actually physically hurt you. I have always said, and I will till the day I die, emotional hurt is FAR worse and can make you feel worse than physical hurt. There is no question about that. Physical wounds can heal, but a broken heart can't heal as easy.

I know bullies can make your life crap, I do, but you need to keep in mind that you are stronger than they are, don't let them see that you are hurting, don't let them see that they have got their way. If you let them know they have done what was intended, then they are going to keep at it, they won't stop. But, if you ignore them and be strong, they will eventually forget about it and let it go. It works, my mum told me that once when I was being bulied at school, and it worked. Took a little while, but it worked.

ok...I think I might not have made my self clear about the whole bully thing.....

here it goes...might be long.....


So..there I was in the 7th grade...just the normally nerdy/geeky/the person that was really shy. The bullying started in the 7th grade. their was this guy, Aaron Hall, The one guy that ALWAYS started sh!t. He had few friends of his own. Aaron was in few of my classes. He also had at least one friend to at least back him up with the whole bullying thing. It wasnt that bad in 7th....


then 8th grade came.....Oh my lord....Literatlly every day I got bullyied....either b/c I was fat or my big glasses that I had at the time...or the shirt that I had to happened to wear...or the pants ....basically anything....


In the 9th-11th....no bully's wasnt in my classes what so ever....I didnt see them...even if I did...it was for like a split second.


and now....I got that guy aaron in my 3rd...and just about every other bully in my 4th...

i`m just....I guess you can say...paraniod....about this whole bullying thing....just being worryed and all abotu if (just IF) they'll start up again...

I`m sorry ...I should have cleared this (bully stuff...) stuff up from the geeko

:hugs: :angel: :hugs: Stay strong. Hopefully they have grown up a little since the 8th grade. Because It sounds like you have.

yea...hopefully..

Yeah Kim I'm sure they will hang in there girl :hugs:

just remember IF they start up again that bullies bully because they feel crappy about themselves. And they are pretty good at zoning in on people they think they can take advantage of. So be strong and confident - tell yourself that you are worthwhile and special - we all are - and that if they are going to pick on you they have a problem - not you. If they sense your confidence - they will likely leave you alone. And if they do start up again- they will tire of bullying you if it seems to not bother you. It is SOOO hard I know - but don't give other people control of your feelings and behaviors. A little psychobabble here - no one can make you feel anything - we choose how to respond to every situation.

One quick story - I realize this is probably not the same situation as you but just to show that we don't know for real what the bullying people are thinking ---- a boy transfered to my school in 2nd grade and that bugger teased me uncontrollably! I used to come home crying every day and my older sister would chase him down the block if he walked past my house - it was crazy. He would tell me I was fat (I look back now and I am like I was so not fat - I was in 5th grade but the rest of the years I looked pretty darn good. I was just developed for my age starting in 6th. anyway...) this went on all the way through 9th grade. Then when we got to high school, I got more confident and kind of broke away from the crowd I usually hung around with because I thought they were too caddy for me. We were all hanging out on a weekend night (I went to a small school so everyone pretty much knew everyone). I had to get home so I started walking home without my friends who got to stay out later. Lo and behold - guess who runs up to me and starts walking me home - yep you guessed it - the bugger - and guess what else - he kissed me. Nothing ever came from it but I can tell you he continued to tease me through 12th grade but I now took it differently. SOOOO while I am not saying this boy likes you or anything - I am saying that it is impossible to know what is behind all the teasing that people do. I spent years being miseable because I thought this boy hated me but he was really probably just teasing me to get my attention or because he felt inadequate himself.

Take control of your emotions and responses. Choose how you act - don't just react emotionally ! You go girl!!!!!

Hey Kim ;)
Do you have any older brothers? My older brother punched a kid that called me a nigger once :D

:eek: That's not even funny Julie, being called names like that....but good for your brother sticking up for you! ;)

One thing that might help. This is kinda stupid, and it will be hard. It serves 2 purposes though. If he were to say to you, "I'm going to kick your ass," you could turn and look at him and repeat it LOUDLY. One thing, it should embarrass him, and two, it should get the teacher's attention. If you get sent to the office, oh well. It gets you out of harm's way and might get the ball rolling. You could also say back, "What, what's that, you're going to KISS my ass?" If he calls you fat, go to yo mama jokes online and find a good comeback. (you're mama's so fat, she stepped in front of the TV and I missed 3 episodes). :wtf:
I taught my first child in progression: A girl was bullying him in line at nursery school. I told him to "ask her to please stop." That didn't work. I told him to tell the teacher. That didn't work. Then I finally had to tell him to do it back. You hate to resort to it, but you may have to.
Just keep talking Kim. We're all here caring. And you only have 5 months left, and you'll be free of them forever. Then you'll go on to make yourself something much more than they'll ever be, and when you walk back with your chin up to your reunion, they'll drool :eek: and you'll know better.

unfortuanlly ...i`m the only kid...

wait...I got three STEP sisters....that I rarely talk too.....but the only child by my mom...

:rolleyes:

Kim, read your own words very carefully! You can do it kid. ;)

do any of you all have yahoo messanger....??


I didnt know that you dont have to down load anything ..really....

well any way...if you do...I go by bsbfan9_69

I have msn and aim. Do you have either of those? I believe you have aim, but maybe just at school??

I have aim at home to..

I'm new to this thread. I was blown away by the support U guys have been given, GeeK 2004!

I wish I had that when I was cuttin'...then again, we choose not to let anyone know, and I hid them under a sort of GnR scarf wrapped around my wrist. Had them all the way up my arm. Hated myself entirely...the cutting took away heaps of the emotions. Out with the blood came the pain.

There were alot of built up reasons why I did it. Physical and verbal abuse over many many years, including being bullied. Not good when U get home and get the same!

I look back on it now and cannot believe I did it. I look at my wrist and cannot even fathom cutting it now. Still got the scars........"U C my wrist, I know your pain".

There's a difference between cutting and being suicidal. Make sure U assess the difference within yourself, cos one of them can be fatal. We dont' want that 4 U.

The most important thing for you is to know without a shadow of doubt that U R loved. Also to know the integral reason U R here. Your unique and special qualitites. U R here 4 a reason. Even though U dont go to Church, I pray that God will reveal that 2 U and help U heal. He did 4 me...gee this was hard to write!

Blessings.
D

Sincirr - thanks for sharing your story I am sure it was hard. It is helpful to hear not only from someone who has been there but also someone who now can't imagine cutting. I think people would be amazed at how common cutting is but hopefully talking about it here like we are will help anyone in that position to consider there are better ways to deal with their pain. Of course I am going to say see a counselor because I am one, but I do believe that is the best route to take.

Sweetheart, you need help. You really need to go talk to your mother, family or a counselor of some sort. Depression, anxiety, stress are normal factors of life, but when it gets to the point in which it controls a large percentage of your life you might need to go talk to someone. We can sit here and help you through this all you want but it wont have the same effect of a spoken conversation. Sometimes just talking (literally) makes a huge difference. No one will judge you, this is high school. we all went through this at one point or another so we all here know you feel. when we say it will get better, we're not kidding. High school was a bitch for a lot of us, but look. we are all here, we all alive, and we all got over it. All I can tell you is just hang in there. If a bully starts anything with you, stand up for yourself, just be smart about it. Dont come out swinging because you will not win. You said that in one of your classes you are the only female. Deal with it, I know you dont like it and I know you feel very uncomfortable about it, but its the only thing you can do. The last thing you want is to make it obvious. Then everybody in that class will start to bother you, not just that one jerk. Its better to be the quiet person that no one knows, than the scared twitchy one that gets everyones attention.

I personally cannot comprehend the idea behind this self mutulization. I have this "shit happens - deal with and get over it" theory that i live by. thats why very little things phase me. So probably my advise wont prove to be very helpful to you or anyone but probably the smartest thing i could you on this is to go talk to your mom about this. Or if you pay my airfare and hotel and take care of these people for you ;)

Mullet, I agree with some of what you said, most actually. "Deal with it" is great, but it's sooo much easier said than done. First off, you're a guy. :male: Your emotions do not play a part of your actions like a female. We are the planners and the worriers of the society. We worry before it happens, right or wrong. I wish "deal with it" were that easy. I wish I could have that attitude. Your personality does, if someone else's doesn't, you have to learn to deal with issues coming from his/her background.
I also don't think you should "be the quiet one." You have to take a stand for yourself. When my sister was little, four boys picked on her every day and pushed her down. My mom finally said ENOUGH. She told my sister to go out and make her way through them. My sister went out looking like a "tornado" with her arms a flyin'. They never bothered her again. Being quiet will make it worse. Then they know they've gotten to you.
Your main point here though, I think we all agree. Somewhere Kim needs to find help. We can't do it all on a BB, although I think it has helped and she has gotten the idea that there are people who care.
All in all though Mullet, you really came off with some good shit here. I'm impressed! Didn't know you had it in you. Maybe we should all kick in and buy you a plane ticket and you could go kick some ass! :chair: :headbang: :slap: :samurai:

[quote=Sincirr]I'm new to this thread. I was blown away by the support U guys have been given, GeeK 2004!

I wish I had that when I was cuttin'...then again, we choose not to let anyone know, and I hid them under a sort of GnR scarf wrapped around my wrist. Had them all the way up my arm. Hated myself entirely...the cutting took away heaps of the emotions. Out with the blood came the pain.
Sincirr Ive Had Not posted here about this topic but ive read and all the support that these dudes have be giving this child is Awsome!!! this thread is not the first time i seen Geek2004 little tips ok this child has been very strong in my prayers~I WAS A CUTTER AS WELL ~~im not proud of it i wore longsleeves for a long time ~~but Thank God For For being God And Creed For Being Creed im alive and crazy but no more romance with a blade i Got FIRE now hehe but cutting only leads to death sooner or later And this Child i feel in my spirt everytime i see the name it troubles me so ive kept this soul close in my prayers Nobody knows that way of life that is only if they have been there~~God Bless you sincirr i know this was hard for you to write sweetie but sometimes it makes a diffrence when we know were not the only ones~~ps OUT WITH THE BLOOD CAME THE PAIN``killer what i mean is it just inspired me to write something sorry~~And a big GOD BLESS YA we all live under the Reign Of on King~~

:angel: [quote=Sincirr]I'm new to this thread. I was blown away by the support U guys have been given, GeeK 2004!

I wish I had that when I was cuttin'...then again, we choose not to let anyone know, and I hid them under a sort of GnR scarf wrapped around my wrist. Had them all the way up my arm. Hated myself entirely...the cutting took away heaps of the emotions. Out with the blood came the pain.
Sincirr Ive Had Not posted here about this topic but ive read and all the support that these dudes have be giving this child is Awsome!!! this thread is not the first time i seen Geek2004 little tips ok this child has been very strong in my prayers~I WAS A CUTTER AS WELL ~~im not proud of it i wore longsleeves for a long time ~~but Thank God For For being God And Creed For Being Creed im alive and crazy but no more romance with a blade i Got FIRE now hehe but cutting only leads to death sooner or later And this Child i feel in my spirt everytime i see the name it troubles me so ive kept this soul close in my prayers Nobody knows that way of life that is only if they have been there~~God Bless you sincirr i know this was hard for you to write sweetie but sometimes it makes a diffrence when we know were not the only ones~~ps OUT WITH THE BLOOD CAME THE PAIN``killer what i mean is it just inspired me to write something sorry~~And a big GOD BLESS YA we all live under the Reign Of on King~~rock on

I can come up with $20.00 to put towards that fee Joy :dancing: :D

See, another problem is that when U R doin it, U dont wanna talk to people about it cos it's your thing. I'm not trying to be negative, but to give insight mabe? There was a chick that was carving up her arms at my school like me, and she tried to hang out with me cos we felt the same and I was like, um, get the hell away from me!

G2004 and others reading that may be in the same position, if U read this, use your will and not your feelings to make a decision to go to a councillor about it. U make appointments and they don't normally chase U up like friends can, but they are professionals and U will note a difference in the future. It's like eating stuff U dont like but U know that it makes a difference in your body. The help they give u, talking about it and also understanding yourself will make U feel alot more empowered. I think U deserve that. If U cant afford one, I know certain agencies and churches have free ones if U dont like the school's one. Julbright is right. Consider it mate.

I hear they do it as a stress reliever and I can't blame 'em for that, though I'd me frantic if I saw my best friends or my family member doin' it.

Ok, since I partially understand what the hell goes on in High School, I'll post a bit here. I'm 15-16 next month and yeah, I understand the bully thing well. I've been bullied most of my life b/c my family is not the richest out there and we strive to get things done while still havin' a good time w/ life...livin' on a farm can be worse w/ the stress of what the animals and crops can bring, + what goes on in school. I fight it though, here lemme go to like how I used to be and how I am now

I punched a kid 3 grades above me in third grade for just annoyin' me on the bus when I was doin' homework. In fourth grade I beat up a kid in my class when I had a student teacher b/c he was annoying me, hurt my friend's feelings, and b/c I was a big bully in some sorts then too, got an F in math and didn't care. Fifth grade-no classes w/ the bad friends I made, quieted somewhat, but still had a bad temper...even got to be friends w/ my very good nice partially blind bestfriend again--did continue to be somewhat careless about school-kicked the same kid I did in fourth grade again and this time got away w/ it b/c the teacher agreed he was bein' an arse. Six grade-average year, average ppl I hung around, quiet yet, so-so grades. 7th grade-hard time adapting to Jr. High, lived w/ it till the ned of the year, got really good grades, made a quiet repuatation while still havin' some friends, continued to be partially made fun of...bad year though b/c I like previous years got made fun of on the bus, went thru w/ good grades, but got very noddheaded and very very ragey, prob. cuz I watched a lot of wrestlin' then...I WANTED to fight and I WAS desperate, I had NO control. This kid on my bus wouldn't shut his trap and like one of the last days of school, I swore at him that when he got to the JR.High, he'd pay, or somethin' like that, ...I was about to punch him, it was before school, way from any adult supervision, my only savior was my friend who was there, she pulled me away, i asked her too and I thank God she did today b/c I coulda been expelled or somethin' for a fight, for interrupting bus plans, I had NO control...so 8th grade the kid did have school one grade below me, the year went so-so, I'd see him and ignore him, over the summer I joined martial arts for bad reasons--wanted to fight--wanted to kill maybe even, that's why I joined, and I joined in a bad place too, it was in Owatonna under this punk dude who had very few morals and eventually...I just found out...would abuse his wife, so anyway that year was fine, Ninth grade was ok b/c I got good grades like the previous 3 years and I was alright to the adaption of High School, a lot of Homework and books, but I was beginnin' to control it--
what happened? It was April, a tournament in 2001-my breaking point--I was a sore looser for sparring--offically allowed to fight and beat up ppl--I lost to some taller very talented girl-wah-wah, well, I was a big fussed up buff about it and after a long time of sitting and thinking...I began to regret it...God left me earlier when I quite church school from the stress my family gave me about bein' Catholic, but somethin' sparked there. I went back to the girl and her sister, both had won diffn't. divisons and I said sorry, shook their hands, and said congratulations...the weight was lifted, so powerful it was...my grandma had died in January of that year...I think she began her spark b/c it was her who told me about martial arts and life-Go to yer limits and do the best you can...I did that day...I said sorry(I think) and congratulated them...well, it wasn't over, coming around the end of ninth grade I had started goin' to punk martial arts in a dif. town for travlelin' reasons...same teacher...but I got sick of it b/c I couldn't actually fight and I began to realize it, I began to realize I needed work...so around Thanksgiving I began searching for answers...

Put it this way, I found another whole new martial arts school and now can fight pretty good. This school enforces Christianity and is truly home...yet again I believe my grandma helped me as w/o her I wouldn't of searched and wouldn't have found. I found God on that day of the tournament and I thank her tons. I still go through shit of bein' made fun of, did pretty bad this year even...my mom got a new job and had to take bus home, the kid I got furious at has a lil' bro who picked up on his ways, the kid himself has kept to himself pretty well on me b/s a few annoying words that are worth ignoring. I've fought them though spiritually instead of w/ rage, inside, knowing that Satan causes all this pain and Earth could possibly actually be a heaven if there was no Satan. Yes, shit happens and gotta leave w/ it and go on, I do w/ faith in the higher power I believe in, many others on here have found their way and I thank them for helping in this situation. Hopefully one day I can help by being a social worker. I still get very depressed at times, like over the summer it was bad b/c of some boy stuff ( :rolleyes: ) ...but I know who my friends are now and put myself to helpin' them more than worryin' about myself. Life is only a century at that and yes, it is worth living. I have great friends and an awesome family (my mom, sister, and even dad have all done things for me) in real life and now this board. Thanks everyone for what you've done here for this lost soul and what you've done for those who've read it. Peace,

;)