I think this might be the final edition unless I think of anywhere else to go with this. So without further ado........

We now join the crazy antics of this household out the back on the hobby farm where the entire extended male family (and some females) have joined are preparing themselves to play some union. Michael is out to prove himself to Mr.Secret Service but feels an accident in his pants as barely played this game in his life and this family is filled with monster trucks.

Hayley: Please be careful with him, they don't play union in Victoria.
Hayley's Dad: Okay son don't worry I'm sure you'll be fine but just wash up before game time. Now you've played Australian football so you be our kicker so you have to gain us some height and time to get across and spoil their plays.
Michael: No worries Mr.Ginns

Hayley's brother is on the opposing team and Michael has decided some sledging is in order to put him off his game.

Michael: Hey sheep lover you're dead!
Hayley's brother: *voice cracks while speaking* Oh yeah I'm going to through you like a battering ram.
Michael: Where are the hairs on your legs? Puberty not happened yet mate?
Hayley's brother: It has its just they're white......
Michael: Just tell yourself that.....Only kidding mate just make me look good out there in front of your old man!

Ball comes out to Michael and he does a funny kick that confuses the Kiwi opposition and goes about 40 metres.
Hayley's Dad: How did you do that?
Michael: Its a kick they use in Aussie rules, spin the ball to the right slightly before kicking and it spirals and goes higher, slower and further!
Hayley's Dad: You might not be so useless after all.
Michael: Uh thanks.....I guess.

The game is extremly tight and they've decided the next score wins, Michael has the ball but no-one is around him except for one opposition player. He sizes up the options, dodges this way....that way when WWWWHHHAMMM!
He runs right into Hayley's Aunt.Mary who is 6 foot 2 and weighs 180 pounds and has more facial hair then he does.

Hayley's Dad: Dissapointing....very dissapointing he had the opening and look what he did.
Hayley's Mum: What are you talking about he just injured himself and you're worried about the stupid game.
Hayley's Dad: Stupid game? This game shows who the real men are love!
Hayley's Mum: pppffttt MEN!

Michael flies home with his arm in a cast, although he's happy cause he didn't get attacked by any sex-crazy sheep while on the farm so he can be thankful for something.

The end.......

:roll:

OMG LOL. I'm so glad I don't have any aunty's like that! And, I feel sorry to the people that do, lol.

LMAO dude you're such a legend, they were really awesome, you rock :cool: lol

Oh man I can't stop laughing ... :D:D:D:D:D:D

its my pleasure to provide the laughs! :D i'll do another one day but for now thats it......

Okay, in the mean time you can keep on coming up with legendary ideas!! :D Lol seriously they were great

I've got no idea where I can go from here although in another post you gave me a good idea. Maybe I could be evading "Aunt Mary" lol.

:laugh: That might just be the best one ... LOL

LOL I think I might do that one tomorrow although I don't really have many ideas for it besides the obvious jokes.

Oh please do it, I never get sick of your jokes :p

Oh you're just sucking up now aren't you? :p

I'll do it tomorrow morning or afternoon..........

okay stay around i'm going to type it up...so it wil up soon.....:)

Michael has just got back from hell on earth (Wellington) and he's glad to be back in a country that knows real football and where the women aren't 6 foot 2 and have goatees and moustaches. He would be glad if her never sees Hayley's Aunt.Mary ever again. He gets off the plane and has half an hour to wait for a taxi and so he gets something to eat in the airport food court. He is minding his own business when he gets a tap on the shoulder.

*Michael turns around in shock and someone touches his shoulder and sees a big pair of hands. He figures it must be a big and burly security guard and he did sneak some apples on to the plane.

Michael: Mary what are you doing here?
Mary: Well a woman of my age knows when a man is giving a signal and I had to follow true love.
Michael: Signal? True love? Mary we were playing rugby and I was trying to run around you and you knocked me out?
Mary: Its quiet alright don't be shy. Hayley is a sweet girl but an older woman like me has experience if you know what I mean. Hayley's Uncle Tom if he was around....bless his soul could tell you stories. I can teach you things that will drive you crazy.
Michael: Ummm I really have to go, my taxi is waiting for me outside.
Mary: I'm heading out that way to visit a relative, do you mind if I come?
Michael: Ummm...Ummm yeah okay.

The trip goes quietly and Michael is enjoying that until a hand comes upon his thigh from none other than Aunt.Mary.

Michael: Uh what are you doing?
Mary: We're both adults there is no need to feel so awkward. You can't fight love Michael. Us New Zealanders know how to please a man.
Michael: A man or a sheep? *awkward laugh*
Mary: Please don't offend my country, just relax.
Michael: Really I would rather not, perhaps it would be better If I got another taxi.
Taxi Driver: Is everything alright back there?
Mary: Yes driver everything is fine....very fine. Okay I've come all this way but I can see your not interested. Can I at least have one kiss?
Michael: *Recalls her deep voice, sees that she hasen't shaved in a couple of days, he thinks its like kissing a man. If I don't all hell could break loose here and she'll probably beat me to a bloody pulp.* Okay just one and then can we just leave eachother alone?

Mary jumps on top of him and starts tearing off her clothes like a possessed animal revealing chest hair that he could only dream of possessing. The stink from those armpits causes the taxi driver to pass out and the car starts moving across the road and falls into a ditch. The driver put down a screen for "privacy" that is sound proof and now Michael is traped with this hideous monster.

LMAO :D

Oh that's gross. Really gross. LOL.

LOL :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Oh man you're so great. :D Well done. :D My favourites would have probably had to be the shopping experiance, and when you met my parents. :p So funny ...

Woah look what I found! :D

I have done something really good, heh. I have taken all of our chatting from most of the productive threads which we have been talking steadily in, and brought them to this thread which I think we should keep alive for the sake of everyone. :p Which suprisingly, is not that very many threads, LOL but we just talk alot in a few of them! :laugh:

Anyhow .... feel free to reply when you're ready :p

No! Never! Well … maybe … but you’re not seeing it! ;)

Oooh really? I like the sound of that! :nono: Hehe. So what kind of story will you read me? ;)


No no that’s not right, it’s de ne ne ne ne naw …. Get it right …. LOL jk hehe


Hey yeah, those singlet’s are pretty cool! How about a wet-t competition! LMAO!!


Ehehe. It was quite funny at the work party that we had lastnight, I had to get a guy that was working there to go and get my beer. :p And then they were all kidding around and telling me that I shouldn’t be drinking beer because I was underage! :laugh: I only had a few which was nice. But oh man, do my colleagues get drunk easily! LOL.

oh this thread is back! so here we're allowed to act like a pair of hormone driven teenagers? :laugh: okay so i'm not technically not a teenager but i don't look a day over nineteen. besides your only as old you feel......hehe
:laugh:

oh its too late....i've already contacted your mum and she's going to be sending over all your baby photos.....or at least a few of them. she's even agreed to send over the ones where you are stark naked! :laugh:



Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived a boy named Romeo and a girl named Juliet........................Romeo and Juliet kill themselves! The End.......
LOL






Oh I'm sorry Miss.Pefection! ;)



hell yeah! now this an idea i like! :laugh: but won't a wet t-shirt expose my man boobies? :roll:



lol sound like aussies...any excuse for a piss up! LOL so drinking session every month at your workplace hey? any positions open? :p

I guess so! WOOO HOOO! Is anyone looking? No? GREAT ... :banana: :dancing: :thewave: Lol blimey we're a handful ... hehe

Exactly ... so you're my age then, LOL.

I thought my mother was acting strangely today! Hehe. Stark naked! NO! You don't need to see those ones, just wait until I come over and I'll give you a show! LMAO!

As awful as that was, it still made me laugh. So you want me to have nightmares then? Give me a nice story, you're mean! :crying: Ahhh I'm SO good at fake crying! .... hehe.

Damn straight. Now stand up straight, puff our your chest, pull up your pants and tie up your shoes! Muahaha.

LOL dude. I took a mouthful of water as I was reading that, and when I came to man boobies I actually choked. YOU MADE ME CHOKE! On my water! Thats evil, LMAO.

Aha. Oh I'm sure they wouldn't mind a spunky new aussie joining the gang! Hehe. You could be my little slave ... muahahaha

In this thread the facists can't touch us! LOL

I at least need to be eighteen so I can drive and buy alcohol legally! :laugh:

LOL! btw my mum did find some of my baby photos the other day and i scanned those as well. they're not jpeg files so i can't put them on here, they're .jif files i think. so how much does it cost to see one of your shows? LMAO

lol i'm the expert at grossing you out, yet still making you laugh! :)
Okay Sleeping Beauty (thats you) has nasty spell cast on her and Prince Charming (thats me hehe) sets her free with a kiss! LOL The end......

yes MOTHER! :laugh:

haha *evil laugh* thats what you get when you pay for bottled water! ;) *sips from bottle of fanta* lol

But would I would be allowed to bombard them with NZ jokes all day? Hey we could have rendevous at the office on weekends! :naughty: LMAO

LOL. Woo hoo we're free to be jackasses! Hehehe.

Good point .. okay you don't look a minute over 18! Haha now get in the car and drive, baby! Lol.

I thought you could upload .jif files to Creed Feed? Hmm, maybe not. Would love to see them through email though!. Cost? Well .... hmm ... how much am I worth? Muahaha.

Oooh I'm liking this story! Hahaha.

What a good little boy. Now clean your room!

Of course you could, well that's if you really want to put up with me laughing hysterically every day! LOL. Ooh, I like the sound of that, my desk is the perfect size! LOL that's gross .ehehehe

lets make a pledge! .....to keep this post of madness near the top of the page! do it for your country! :laugh:

Hey maybe my parents enrolled me early and kept it a big secret! It would explain alot! :laugh: Oh I like a woman who knows how to take charge! ;)

I tried but it wouldn't allow me to upload them. I'll email them to ya! :) I was supposed to do that a couple of days wasen't I? LOL How much are you worth? Well lets allow South Park to answer this question.....$2 sucky sucky love you long time! :eek: LOL jk

oh but thats it, story is over....did you not notice the end? :p

yes my lady.....whatever you say.....how high would you like me to jump my lady? :laugh:

Its a bit uncomfortable on this desk don't you think? :laugh:

Oh you bet, no one will ever see the end of this thread! :D For my country? Yeahh wooooo :baaa: lmao

Haha wouldn't that be the weirdest thing to find out. "Well Michael, you're actually 18" LOL. Yes I know how to take control, now bend over and get me that whip! Lmao.

Okay cool, I will look out for them in my email. LMAO SUCKY SUCKY! Hahaha too funny .... $2? is that all I'm worth? No loving for you ...muaha

No dang it you haven't gotten to the part where you carry me off into the sunset, you're not a good story teller! ;)

What are you talking about? Are the teddy's on my desk not soft enough for your delicate parts? hhah

australia and new zealand combined.....just like the anzacs! LOL
under the leadership of the two ugliest prime ministers ever....john howard and helen clark! :laugh:

lol that would be weird but i know its not true lol......i can remember every year back to four vividly. hey what did i say about sharp objects? ;)


oh i meant $2000.....i forget a couple of zeros! ;)

and the prince's shoe only fits on cinderella......they slow dance the night away and fall in love happily ever after! the end! LOL


these teddys are totally killing my mojo! :laugh:

LOL you have a good point. How embarrasing for both of our countries .. LOL. Michael and Hayley for prime ministers I say! Ehehe.

How do you know? You DON'T! Lol just kidding ;) Sharp objects ... not to stick them up your bum ... just the whip on the cheeks! Hahaha.

That's sounding like a more healthier amount that I can handle! Lol ... so .. sucky sucky? LMAO we're so bad

Awww! How lovely! So romantic .... hehehe.

Lol .... but they're soft! And they're fluffy, and they're so cute. :D

My first role as Prime Minister of Australia will be a hostile takeover of our neighbours New Zealand. We shall murder, we shall destory and we shall conquor! :laugh: We will leave New Zealand with plague proportions of Kangaroos, Wombats, Koalas and Tasmanian Devils! :roll:

hehehehe you're so naughty! ;) hey what are you doing with that shaver? keep it away from that general area you wicked woman! :laugh:

Hey thats more than our girls make.....you should feel good about that! ;)

Then 10 years later the Prince loses his job and becomes an alcoholic whilst Cinderella gets really fat and they split up! The End....... :eek: :laugh:

Oh fluffy now don't you just love that word? ;) But they're looking at me and I can't peform with an audience! LOL

And we'll take over the WORLD!! Lmao. :D

Yes I'm naughty and you can't get enough. ;) Muahaha. Sorry but you just really need to shave your back! :laugh:

Haha damn straight, I am the special one!! Speaking of the girls ...... hmm .... we need a new story, LOL.

Cinderella gets fat? I get fat? Well, that's an insult if ever I heard one!! ;) No don't talk about the older days let's talk about the endless hot passionate nights LMAO.

No you're forgetting again, only the hair fluffy is bad, any other fluffy (like material) is good! Hair fluffy ... *shudders* lol

okay just as long as you realise new zealand are the junior partner in all of this! ;) new zealand can do all the dirty jobs that australia doesn't want.....hehe.

hey i don't need to shave my back! lol there ain't no forest growing on my back. :laugh: attempting to give me the back, crack and sack is a major no-no! lmao

ah yes a story....what would i write one on? oh i know australia and new zealand taking over the world! :D i need to think up some funny ideas first......

contary to popular belief i hear old buggers still like sex! :roll: we shall always be in the prime of our life lol. the prince never goes bald or has erection problems, and cinderella never gets fat or goes through menopause! hahahha

oh so material fluffy is good? lol fluffy....fluffy....fluffy! lol so do you think my hair is fluffy? ;)

okay its time for another joke at the expense of the kiwis! hehe

An Aussie is driving through the New Zealand countryside when he notices a man doing a sheep. He pulls up next to the man, winds down his window (power windows haven't being invented in NZ yet hehehehe) and asks the man "Shouldn't you be sheering that"? The Kiwi replies "I ain't sheering this with anyone"! :laugh: :laugh:

Okay I'm going to do another story but I'm sure if it can live up to past editions! lol

Michael: Hello this the Prime Minster of Australia, could I have Prime Minster Ginns on the phone please?
Secretary: Yeah sure I'll just get her love. Whats it like in Canberra at the moment? Its preddy cold in here in Wellington hey!
Hayley: Oh sorry Mr.Prime Minister that was my crazy secretary, its good she didn't start trying to sell you some of her Amway products.....crazy woman.
Michael: I wanted to discuss our invasion of the United Arab Emirates.
Hayley: The United Arab what?
Michael: Its a oil rich place and we're going to invade there so we can have enough money for our big invasion of the U.S.
Hayley: The U.S? Cool so we're going to take Disneyland. I love Disneyland....Mickey Mouse is my favourite. Whats yours?
Michael: I don't think we have time to be discussing this, we have more important matters at hand.
Hayley: Oh come on....don't be such an old codger

Michael: Okay my fav is Donald Duck *does voice* now lets get back to serious business. Now we need to discuss what fighter jets New Zealand is going to require to help Australia in Operation Fair Dinkum Mate.
Hayley: Can't we just make love....not war?
Michael: Hey now you're talking
Hayley: Hey watch yourself busta! I was talking about peaceful relations you dirty man!
Michael: Oh so no intimate relations? Man this alliance sucks! *laughs*
So how many planes are you going to need?
Hayley: My minister of defence thinks that sex will do!
Michael: *coughs out water* he what?
Hayley: Sex
Michael: Did you just say sex?
Hayley: No sex.....I want sex of them
Michael: Wait a second.....a minute ago you were telling me off for my dirty joke and now your minister of defence wants sex?
Hayley: No se....se.....six of them!
Michael: Oh six of them! You should have said that in the first place!
Hayley: I did!
Michael: *laughs;
Hayley: Prime Minister did you know I was saying six all along?
Michael: *laughs hysterically* maybe.....
Hayley: Now we need to work more professinally than this.....no more kiwi jokes!
Michael: Oh what.....what are we going to discuss then?
Hayley: We should be discussing international trade, foreign debt, third-world debt and other pressing concerns.
Michael: Ah boring! Lets take about war.....we need to have a video for our troops with the rocky music playing in the background. Oh Adrian......Adrian!
Hayley: Okay if we must go to war, I think we should make Ireland a target.
Michael: Ireland? Why Ireland?

Hayley: Cause that is where U2 comes from you silly bugger! I'm going to take Larry Mullen Jnr. as my political prisioner. We need to have some one on one time so he can give me some information.
Michael: Oh that is just gross! No going to Ireland!
Hayley: Party pooper!
Michael: Now we are going to need to a single currency and a single capital to save on costs in this empire of ours. I say Canberra should be the capital.
Hayley: No the capital should be in New Zealand.
Michael: But Australia is bigger.....do you want to be part of this or not?
Hayley: Bully! Can we make professional wrestling the official sport of the empire?
Michael: Ah its not a sport.....its actually fake!
Hayley: Is not
Michael: Is too
Hayley: Is not
Michael: Is too
Is not Is too Is not Is too Is not Is too is is is is not not not
Hayley: We're a couple of five year olds! How are going to defeat the Eskimos?
Michael: The Eskimos? They don't have any weapons....we have F-16 fighters!
Hayley: Silly aussies think you know everything.....the eskimos will win....you'll see!
Michael: I think you're a couple of cans short of a six-pack!
Hayley: What is that supposed to mean? That I don't have my marbles?
Michael: Ah...ah nevermind....now I have a brillant plan. New Zealand gets jokes made about what happens to their sheep from Aussies. How 'bout if we took advantage of this? Disgusting men will be lured over to New Zealand and we'll catch them in the act and we'll force them to join the army.....they shall be slaughtered like pigs! *evil laugh*
Hayley: I really think our empire should be vegeterian. Think of the health benefits and it will help the environment cause we'll need less grazing land.
Michael: What was that? Didn't catch that last bit....anyway got to go have my lunch. A big porterhouse steak!

The End......

You don't need to shave your back? Yeah, right, that's not what I was saying lastnight when you were lying next to me ..... ;)

Old people having sex? Ugh, how can that be? :eek: See what I mean, let's be young forever, and make love forever! LMAO.

AHHH NO HAIR FLUFFY = BAD, VERY BAD! Grosss ... *shudders*

Dude you are the coolest person ever, that story just had me in fits of laughter, every day you crack me up.

Oh man ... That was great, but so disgusting LOL. :hammerlol

LMAO :laugh:

Ahahaha .... come on now, you Ozy's say sex, not us! :laugh: lmao

Ahahaha you know me too well! :naughty: Hehehe.

LOL ... ugh! ;) Michael, are you sure you're not a comedian in your spare time? Lol that was go great, 100/10 :D

Wait I thought that was Kate Hudson? ;) But check out this.....you don't need carrots to put hair on your chest! :laugh: you should know you're a kiwi! hehe

Oh i'll keep going to the day I die! :laugh: Okay lets be young forever but don't turn out like Cher with a plastic face! :eek: LOL

oh i keep forgetting really i do! ;) i thought hair fluffy was good....silly me! LOL coolest person ever? :o hey can i get a trophy made up with coolest person ever 2005 awarded to michael? hehe


that doesn't really happen in new zealand does it? that could put me off ever visiting the country in my entire lifetime! LOL jk


oh we do but thats cause we're dirty little buggers! you kiwis just can't pronounce your i's properly! LMAO

[/quote]
prime minister of new zealand as the head of the united nations i demand to know why larry mullen is lying on a table hundcuffed! LMAO


lol i wish i was! it depends who i'm around and if i'm comfortable enough with them. :)

any ideas where i could take another one?

Wait ... there was SOMEONE ELSE?! I can't believe this! :crying: Hehe.

Oh yeah you keep forgetting, that's right. ;) Hahaha well maybe I can jack something up, I'll bring a trophy over! LOL.

Oh gross ... grosssss hahahahaha.

Hmm I wonder which is better ... hmm ...... hard question .............. okay damn it dirty little buggers is better! New Zealanders just suck at speaking properly! :laugh:

Oh baby .. :pant: OH I mean ... well ... we are .... umm .... practicing incase we get into a spot of trouble and someone needs to be restrained! Yes, that's it! :D

Haha noo you're supposed to come up with the brilliant ideas! :p Hahaa ... give us another one about our trip, those are classic lol

wait so that was you and not kate hudson? damn ripped off! LMAO jk....oh i mean what a pleasant surprise! ;) oh were both of you there? wow i must have been in heaven. threesome time! :naughty: LMAO

oh i've got a terrible memory! ;) i never used to use the word fluffy until recently....funny that! hehe hey and no cheap $5 trophy! i want it to be gold-plated! :laugh:


hehe i'm going to make you so self-concious about your accent! what is 12 divded by 2 again? i forgot! ;)

and for this high level practice you needed to remove his items of clothing? :laugh:

but how i am supposed to please my audience if they won't tell me what they want! LOL okay i'll do another one about the trip.....how bout a visit to one of the parks? LOL i'll do sometime this week....probably on the weekend when i've got some more time.

AHHHH no, I think it's time for me to leave! ;) Your'e not going to follow? Oh but look, I have handcuffs and whipped crreeeaaamm! LOL.

Yeah, really funny. :rolleyes: LOL. Oh damn, so I cant bring you a cardboard trophy? Arrrggh! :D

Noo don't or I'll give you a low blow! Hehehe. Or maybe I just won't speak at all, but you'll be saying that's a good thing! LOL.

Well ... uhh ... I said to him "And what if someone was to rip off a peice of your clothing" And showed him an example, by ripping off his pants! Then he showed me what he would do! Ohh was it worth it! LMAO!

LOL. Ooh that will be interesting!

can kate come too? ;) hehe hey last time you put me in those handcuffs you left me there all day! :laugh:

wow hayley this carboard trophy is really beautiful. i feel so special! :rolleyes: LOL

*evil laugh* i win either way! if you speak i get the accent, if you don't i get some peace and quiet! :laugh: hahaha i'm going to have so much fun! :D

he's a married man! :eek: homewrecker! ;)

okay sometime this week......

Yes but it was much fun, wasn't it? ;)

Aww thanks, I made it myself! Be careful, don't touch it too much or the glue will seperate! :laugh:

LMAO .... :( You'll love my voice too much to make fun of it! LOL.

Hey! He didn't complain lastnight!! ;)

oh it awesome LOL but i got really hungry and i hold on cause i couldn't go to the toilet! :laugh:

you could have at least used superglue! ;) hey i've got only 1 month as the coolest person. i really should have coolest person of the year....not of the month! LMAO

hey i can like your voice and still make fun of ya! ;)

you wicked witch! ;) now excuse me i must attend to my kate! LOL

Muahaha I LOVE seeing you suffer! :laugh:

What, my special cardboard trophy isn't good enough for you? I'm heartbroken, I put everything I had into that trophy! :( lmao

Arrrgh damn that's true ... LOL. Well I will just not like yours, and make fun of it 24/7! ;)

And please excuse me while I attend to my Larry ... then my Jeff ... then my Larry ... then my Jeff ... then my Larry ... LMAO ;)

Are you a dominatrix? :laugh: No giving me electrical shocks is not sexy! LOL

All you've got? It looks like a 5 year old made it! hehehehehehe

You can't do that......everyone loves the aussie accent and all the cool slang we use! Now sheila be a darling and grab me a snag off the barbie you lazy drongo! ;)


Oh and Charlize Theron is here.....here Charlize join me and Kate! :naughty: LMAO