News Flash!!!!
 

"Episcopal Church Ordains Openly Christian Bishop!"

"Narrow-Minded Cleric Openly Preaches Christ as the Only Way!"

:hammerlol
that there's some funny shit!

Phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhaha

I dont like going to chruch..

i dont either but i love jesus with all my heart peace i love those little south park guys cool :cool:

?? :wtf: Uhhhhhh.... OK....



H-D :hypno:

Church sux...
A gathering of believers that bless and encourage each other and give to each other as they have need, who also devote themselves to biblical teaching and prayer, whilst breaking bread together and whilst praising God is just great though!
(Acts2:42-47)
git yerself sum a doz!

Man, that news flash reminds me of that church bulletins email that was getting sent around. Has everyone seen it? I can post it if U havent. It's pretty funny!!!

Nope i havent if you got it post it please :)

Here 'tis



Church Bulletins

These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletins around the country
or were announced in a church service....

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary
Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear
Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a
National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting
and Prayer Conference includes meals."

Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don't forget your husbands."

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been cancelled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water".
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood
donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping
and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing
in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. :eek:

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thurs. morning at 10.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy. LMAO!

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance. :wtf:

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

.............Proceeds will be used to cripple children. :laugh:For those of you
who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

;)

good lord thanks sincirr

:roll: Those are great.


H-D :hypno:

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

:roll: :laugh:

I actually have a pic of one of them somewhere too!!!!!

My old minister, get this guys, before I was a Christian, I was outside the church quoting some Metallica lyric to someone and he walks up and yells, HEY! I know one of the most used heavy metal lyrics ever!!!! And I just looked at him and went oh, and what is that??!!! And he jestured **come here**, **closer**,**closer** till my ear was right up to his ear, and then he burped in it and walked off!!!!!!

At the begining of one of his sermons he got up, grabbed the mic and stated, "I have no problem with unmarried men and women sleeping together"
{Pause}
"It's when they are awake that's the problem!"

I thought that was cute.

How dare you speak out againt church, sinners?!
All gonna burn in hell along with me... do you really want that? Eternity with me?
It's sunday, go run to beg for forgivness lol

It's supposed to be funny... you know, like "The Onion", except w/ a Christian spin. :hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol