The "jokes" thread
 

it's time to laught a bit..here it goes...

1.Q:What do you call 2 blondesin the front seat of a car?
A: Dual air bags!

2.Q:What should you do if a blonde throws a hand-granade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back!

3.Little boys at school wonder what's a penis..At home Billy asks dad:
Dad (unzips fly):This is a penis..as a matter of fact it's a perfect penis
Next day at school Billy(unzips):This is a penis..and if it were 3 inches shorter,it'd be perfect!

4.Q:What's the definition of a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever!

5.2 brunettes and a blonde are sitting at the bar,checking out the guys.
Brunette:See that guy over there with one eye?
Blonde: (covering her left eye with her hand):Where?

:P :P

PS:No offence to all the blond ladies here!

NO Offence taken Siana, I'm a strawberryblonde..HA!:rolleyes:

Anyhoo, I have a blond joke...

"How can you tell that a blonde has been useing her vibrater?"

Her two front teeth are chipped.....:P

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747??:rolleyes:

How does a blonde turn on a light after sex? She opens up the car door..:P

How does a blonde part her hair? By doing the splits..:eek:

Why did the blonde jump out of the airplane?
She thought her pads had wings.

One day a blonde was going to disney land, when she got there, there was a sign that said disney land left, so she went home.

Why was a blonde pleased with herself when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 8 months?
Because the box said 3 to 6 years

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house


A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"



A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.

"Are their lights on?"

The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."


Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A blonde tried to shoot herself!


:D

lol

Pollack goes into whorehouse
"I wanna get fucked"
"Slip $50 under the door"
He waits...and waits...,then yells:
"Hey!I said I wanna get fucked!"
Voice behind the door:"Again?"

Wow! This thread turning into pure porno...:eek: :P :eek:

sorry,i didn't have that intention

If a blonde and a brunette both jumped off a building at the same time,who would land first?
The Brunette.The blonde would have to stop and ask 4 directions!

well here are some brunette jokes!!! ;)




What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

What are the worst 3 words you can hear when you're making love??
Honey,I'm home!

What's the first thing a blonde hears in the morning?
See ya!

:angel: :angel: :P :lol:

:D Those made up for da blonde ones Marlsy!! Too funny!!! Hehehehe!!!:P :lol: :lol: :lol: :jam:

;)

:P i'd like to read some more jokes about brunettes :angel:

:P Why did God create Brunettes? So Ugly men wouldn't be left out! lol!:)

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? Because it matches their mustache!

;)

What do brunettes miss about a great party? The invitation! lol!:lol: :jam:

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.

Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

;)

Your Wish is my Command! My Dear!!:P :lol: :lol: :jam:

LMAO!:lol Those are some good ones:P

:angel: :angel: i feel extremely glad to hear that

How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night ?
Startled

How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color ?
By studying what oil spills did to seaweed.

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: "Has the blonde left yet?"

Is it tru blonds have more fun?
No, they have ALL the fun.

How do you get a redhead to argue with you? Say something.

How do you get a redhead's mood to change? Wait 10 seconds.

If you love a redhead, set her free ... if she follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she's yours.

What's safer: a redhead or a piranha? The piranha. They only attack in schools.

What do you call a redhead with attitude? Normal.

Those were good Marsly!

hahahaahhahaa

:hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol :hammerlol

I have some non-hair-colour-related jokes. ;)

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A guy walks into a pharmacy and goes up to the Pharmacist and asks for a vile of arsenic. The Pharmacist asks, "What do you need it for?" The guy replies, "It's to kill my wife". The Pharmacist exclaims, "I can't sell you arsenic to kill your wife." With that the guy reaches into his wallet and pulls out a picture of his wife. The Pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "I didn't realise you had a prescription."

--------------------

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."

----------------------

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy, I call mine Sex. Sex has been embarrassing to me. I went to city hall to renew his licence, I told the clerk I would like a licence for Sex; he said he would like one too. Then I said , "But this is my dog." He said he didn't care what she looks like. "You don't understand. I have had Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the hotel was for sex. I said, "You dont understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." He said "Me too."

One day I entered Sex into a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was standing there looking around. I told him I planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me i should have sold my own tickets. "But you dont understand," I said "I hoped to have Sex on TV". He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married". The Judge said "Me too." Then I told him, after I was separated, Sex left me. He said "Me too."

Last night Sex ran away again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I am looking for Sex". My case comes up on Friday.

Oh my God--Creedfan..that was damn funny.
And thank you all for the brunette jokes it's about damn time!!
--I can't help god made me blonde, am sure tired of hearing how stupid I am..lol.

i like brunettes

:angel: what a relief;)

That's unexpected!! Considering Natalie is one. ;)

lol

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee.

He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

:lol: :lol: :lol: creedfan!!
How about a few France jokes!

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

Q. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
A. Don't know, it's never been tried.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. Their army.

Q. Why are French streets tree-lined?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

LMAO Marlsy!!! Thanks, I needed a good laugh!

Your welcome!!:D

here's a good redneck joke:

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

here's an old geezer joke:

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.

The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.

The old man glares at the young punk for him for the next ten miles, as the bus travels across the city.

Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, "What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I thought you might be my son."

here's a dumb blonde joke:

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

lol

Lmao, trhat was teh funneyest of em all